change your thoughts
change your life
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ~Wayne Dyer
“Negative thoughts create ‘channels’ in your brain. This way of thinking can become your default. If you do a lot of negative thinking, you wire your brain to be good at producing negative thoughts. Your brain also gets good at seeing things to think negatively about.” ~Terry Small, CPA
“90% of our problems are caused by our own thoughts.” ~UA
It’s nothing new to hear someone say, or for us to tell ourselves, or others, lose the negativity, change the way you think, and soon you will see that where your thoughts go, so goes your behavior and attitude. This well-known nugget of truth has been shared for centuries, but since the pandemic, things seem tougher. The “new normal” doesn’t feel normal, people are different in many ways. The world is a very different place within just a few short years and positivity is harder to come by.
We would be living like an ostrich, head buried in the sand if we pretended that life is just dandy and all lollipops, but at the same time, we can only control a few things in this life. It might not seem like it’s true, but when it comes to what we think and how we navigate our day-to-day lives, negatively or positively, we have a choice. We get to control how we see things.
Thoughts come to our minds from all directions, but we get to choose what we allow to stay and what we focus on, or what we cast out.
“According to Dr. Caroline Leaf, toxic thoughts—such as stress, worry, fear, anger and unforgiveness—actually cause damage to the brain. Chemicals are released into the brain, causing chaos and damage. Those toxic thoughts can cause a loss of sleep or of the ability to do your job right, physical illness and more.” (Kenneth Copeland Ministries)
Spiritually, negative and toxic thoughts cause us to live lives that misrepresent Christ. Jesus came to be a light in this dark world, a beacon of hope for people lost in negativity, anger, depression, and hopelessness. He commissioned all of us who say we love and follow Him to do the same and live as light and hope in our world today.
I have been initiated into a club I never thought I’d be in, or even wanted to be a part of, the breast cancer club, but here I am. What I can tell you, as if I didn’t know it before, but can now 100% attest to, is the fact that most of life truly is mind over matter. Where the thoughts go, so goes our behavior.
The sleepless nights, the endless fatigue, the nausea, the insane hot flashes, the joint aches, hair loss…nothing prepares you for this journey, but my attitude genuinely determines my days. My nights are pretty miserable right now, and when morning rolls around the LAST thing I want to do is get out of bed, get dressed, exercise, water plants, you name it. I want to stay in bed, pull the covers over my head and have a pity party.
photo by Angiola Harry @ang10ze
I’m not saying we should pretend that things are perfect when they aren’t. We have to allow ourselves to have a moment, but then we must choose to think differently. It’s a constant battle, mind over matter, but it’s worth the fight! I believe God allows our trials because our greatest growth is through surrendering to what we cannot change, and then changing the way we think about and how we will navigate and overcome the toxic thoughts in our trials that want to pull us under.
Take for example my first marriage and all its trials, my divorce and the fallout from that mess, and most recent, my cancer diagnosis, and the crappy side effects of treatment, etc. I believe some of this is just the fallout of life and choices made, but I also believe God has allowed me to walk through these things to grow my faith and trust in Him and to show Him to others that trust through my actions. Will I be faithful to trust Him, to somehow find joy in the midst of it all, or will I get bitter and doubt His goodness.
To say I have been perfectly joyful and content and trusting in all of it would be a lie. It’s okay to own our anger, frustration, disappointment, and hurts. That’s what makes us human. That is part of our testimony. If people can’t see Jesus waking through our struggles with us they cannot relate to us. People who are hurting, people who are struggling don’t need pomp and circumstance. Hurting people need love, and grace, and they need to know that as a Christian, I still have battles that I can’t control, but I can turn my thinking around and find hope and peace because of Jesus.
So, can we train our brains to think differently? YES! Here are seven pretty simple tips…
photo by Nejc Soklič @nejc_soklic
1. Begin your day with gratitude. I have been practicing this myself. As soon as I see the morning light in our bedroom I start thanking God for my blessings. I am alive for another day of life. I get to be here again to hear from people I love. I get to water our plants. I get to get out of bed, totally unaided because in spite of my struggles, I am still completely independent. Gratitude is an excellent way to kick start your day!
2. Contrary to what you might think, we cannot completely eliminate negativity. Again, that would be denying reality. Bad stuff happens. Life is hard. So, to gain control over negative thoughts we must face them, own them, name them. Give yourself 10 minutes, and 10 minutes only to ruminate over your negative thoughts and then shut them down. If a negative thought comes to mind during the day, write it down to think about the next day in your morning 10 minutes. (Paraphrased from, Julie Kantor, PhD, JP Kantor Consulting)
3. Negative thoughts don’t just “go away” they have to be replaced with positive thoughts. First we must notice that we have started a negative pattern, acknowledge that we want to change it, articulate what we specifically want to change, and then choose a different, positive behavior.
4. 90% of self-talk is negative. I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I just did that. Of course I messed up. It’s what I do. I will never get this done. I’m not strong enough to do this. We are mean to ourselves. It’s perfectly healthy to love ourselves. Release your negative thoughts and write down positive affirmations in their place.
5. Write the negative thought down on paper, this is an active way to purge yourself of the thought, make sense of it, where is it coming from, why do I think this way, and then physically tear it up and throw it away.
6. Exercise!! Walk, jog, do yoga, stretch, just get up and move. If you can, that’s your first blessing of the day. Exercise is known to release “growth factors,” which trigger neurons to make new connections, and promotes the release of endorphins, aka neurochemicals that boost mood and fend off stress. (verywellmind.com)
7. Support others. Get out of yourself and think of others. Volunteer. Lead a Bible study. Watch someone’s children. Help an elderly person.
When you change your thinking, your life will also change. Our brains get really good at what they do.
“Your beliefs become your thoughts, Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny.” ~Mahatma Gandhi
Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
Something to consider: Do you struggle with negativity, honestly? If so, how is that impacting your life? Do you believe you can change your thought patterns? Will you start today? Take baby steps and fight for it because you are worth it and so are those you love. On the other hand, are you a person who professes to never think negative thoughts or feel down? Will you be honest with yourself today? NO ONE has a perfect life. It’s okay to have your moments. If you want others to trust you and to want the peace you have, you cannot be self-righteous or unrelatable. People are drawn to authenticity. No one escapes this life without something.
