keeping it real
“Real isn't how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.” (The Velveteen Rabbit)
Keeping it real and being real in a world full of fakes and phonies is challenging to say the least. Identifying “real” in a world constantly shifting the rules and filling our heads with lies requires knowing truth.
We cannot discern real any other way.
I am not going to lie, at 55 I still have periods where I wander off track, confused, and floundering. I wander away from the God I know, whose “rules” are the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and I often find myself caught up in buying into the lies and determining my purpose and worth by the world’s standards, which always leaves me feeling less than, fearful, and empty.
Sometimes I let go of my authentic self, who I am in Christ, trying to become something “less than,” something defined by the empty promises of this world.
Why are we so prone to wander?
“The Velveteen Rabbit,” also called “How Toys Become Real,” is a children’s novel written by Margery Williams and illustrated by William Nicholson. First published in 1922, the story actually was Williams’ first and most popular children’s book. If you’ve never read it before, the story is about the journey of a toy velveteen rabbit learning about love and what it means to become real; a story that reflects the human pilgrimage we all take to discover and hold onto our authentic selves.
In the story, a boy receives a stuffed rabbit toy made of velveteen material for Christmas. The more mechanical and expensive nursery toys looked down on the Velveteen Rabbit and pretended they were real. After a conversation with the Skin Horse, who had lived in the nursery longer than any other toy, the Velveteen Rabbit learned that real is not how they are made, but a toy can become real if a child really loves it for a very long time.
The Velveteen Rabbit became the boy’s constant companion and eventually became shabby with wear. But he didn’t mind because the boy loved him unconditionally.
After the boy recovers from a bout with scarlet fever, during which the Velveteen Rabbit snuggled patiently with him until he was well, the doctor ordered the germ-laden toy to be burned along with all the nursery toys and bedding to disinfect the nursery.
As the Velveteen Rabbit waited outside for the bonfire that would destroy him, he cried a real tear that brought out the nursery magic Fairy. The Rabbit thought he was real before, but he was only real to the boy who loved him. The Fairy flew the Velveteen Rabbit to the woods, kissed him and told him to run and play.
Her kiss changed him, and he was truly real and at home with the other rabbits in the wild.
The following spring, the boy saw the Velveteen Rabbit playing in the woods behind the house, and he thought the bunny looked familiar, like his old Velveteen Rabbit; but he never knew that it actually was his treasured toy that he helped to be real.
“In this story, being real is love, your value and how you see yourself,” said Kristina F. Wolford, MSW, a therapist at Canyon Ridge Hospital in Chino, California. The story confronts some of the most basic questions we ever ask: Who am I? Do I have worth? What is the purpose of life?
“People resonate with this story because it’s like an unconscious life goal of people to become real,” said Jeshana Johnson, PsyD, department chair of counseling psychology for the College of Behavioral Sciences at Argosy University in Ontario, California.
“In psychology we sometimes call this holding onto ourselves. We tend to give up our true/real person to avoid pain or rejection, so we become people who need to be validated by others and often lose who that real person is in the process.” (Story summary, Best Velveteen Rabbit Quotes)
I find the story of The Velveteen Rabbit to be a relatable foundation for addressing what I believe to be a huge epidemic we face in our world today, a source contributing to astronomical numbers of people struggling with depression, anxiety, addiction, divorce, idolatry, and so much more.
There’s an epidemic of confusion and emptiness, of uncertainty and fear, an instability born out of relativity, and no absolutes. What is real? Without a foundation, or a purpose greater than ourselves we cannot know what’s real and therefore we cannot find our worth.
In our pilgrimage to become “real” we come face to face with the-hole-inside that we all have, that hole that longs to be filled with something that defines us, completes us, gives us purpose…that something that makes us “real.”
In this journey to discover who we are, we often get led astray by the world’s empty promises and self-centered philosophies of taking care of number one. Don’t believe this is true? Do a quick google search, how can I love myself more books? You will get something like this, 12 Best Books About Self-Love, Because We All Need to Pump Ourselves Up, and many more.
We have a severe epidemic concealed under a seemingly harmless motto/tag line of “you do you.”
You do you.
(Take care of number one) seems to be a generic, seemingly harmless invitation to behave as one desires (e.g., ‘do what you want’ or ‘help yourself).
Initially this little motto, “you do you,” sounds harmless, and quite simple. I mean, how harmless and appealing to live for the almighty trinity of me, myself, and I? Except, if I don’t understand the foundation of my being, I will seek “me” forever, only to wind up empty handed and empty overall.
I will never fulfill my purpose living for just me, and knowing our purpose is part of what makes us real/gives us our worth. So, what is real? What or who defines it? How do we know if we are real in a world that is so confused with reality?
When I look at the story of The Velveteen Rabbit, I immediately identify three themes that resonate with me. These themes can be used to help us identify our real and be used as a check point when we are being sucked in by the world and question reality.
Theme I: Being real is love [to love and be loved] and asks the question who am I?
We know from Psalm 139:13–16 that we were each formed by God while inside our mother’s womb. We are His masterpieces [this is who we are], created by Him for unique purposes. (Ephesians 2:10).
God is intimately involved in our creation: “The word of the LORD came to me, saying: ‘Before I formed you in the womb I knew you…”(Jeremiah 1:4–5). That statement alone should overwhelm us with wonder. The Lord God Almighty, Creator of the universe, chooses us individually and then creates us exactly as He wants us to be [each of us for unique purposes]. (Colossians 1:16).
We are real because the creator of heaven and earth also created us, and we are deeply loved. God loves us and proves that love by sending His Son, Jesus, to show us what He [God] is like (John 14:9).
Because our sin has separated us from Him. Jesus came to earth and offered Himself in our place. He took the punishment for our sins (2 Corinthians 5:21). God raised Him from the dead three days later, proving that Jesus is Lord over everything, including death (Romans 10:9–10).
Then God decreed that everyone who places faith in Jesus will be forgiven and enter a relationship with Him (John 3:16–18). (paraphrased, why-did-God-create-me)
This was The Ultimate gift and proof that we are loved and deserve to be loved, because of Jesus, and when we know who He is, we can discover who we are.
Theme II: What is my value? Do I have worth?
Jessica Felicio@jekafe
Mathew 20:28 tells us that Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many, [in other words, for you and me].
God paid a high ransom for your life.
He sacrificed His only Son, Jesus.
He sent Jesus to die an excruciating death for YOU & ME.
Jesus was willing to pay for you with His life.
God knows everything about you – your past, your thoughts, your dreams. That’s not meant to intimidate you or make you feel shame.
He knows everything about you and still sees you with unlimited worth. You don’t need to try and hide anything from Him.
God loves you fully and unconditionally. (paraphrased, you-are-valuable-to-god)
“The Spirit of God, who is greater than the enemy in the world, lives in me.” (1 John 4:4).
“I have received the power of the Holy Spirit and He can do miraculous things through me. I have authority and power over the enemy in this world.” (Mark 16:17-18; Luke 10:17-19)
I would say this pretty much answers the question of our value and worth.
Theme III: How do I see myself? What is my purpose?
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
You were created with a purpose, for a purpose.
You are not an accident or a mistake.
Rather, you are wonderfully made and unconditionally loved by God.
Not only were you created on purpose, but you also have a purpose for your life, and God is working for your good.
You are valuable to God.
He sees so much value in you that He gave His only Son, Jesus, to save you.
You have worth and a purpose!
If we are going to fulfill our purpose, we need to consult the Bible, not the world, not social media, and our popularity on those platforms. The Bible tells us about who God is, who we are, and how we should live our lives. Many people try to find purpose in happiness, fun, or popularity because they are unaware that God has a greater purpose for their lives.
God created us for a purpose, but that purpose will look different for every person because we are each unique. To be created in the image of God means that we were created to be mirrors of God’s glory—one-of-a-kind mirrors that reflect the diverse aspects of His nature.
A mirror serves no other purpose than to reflect something else. So how you see yourself and your reflection of God matters. (Paraphrased, purpose-of-man)
Without an anchoring relationship with the Lord, we are left wondering who we are, why we are here, and what our purpose is.
So, where does this leave us?
Because our creator was intimately involved in our creation, He created us with love, and unlike the velveteen rabbit, our “real,” actually is in how we are made because we are made in the image of God who already loved us even before we were “real” to this world.
When the weight of all my dreams
Is resting heavy on my head
And the thoughtful words of help and hope
Have all been nicely said
But I'm still hurting, wondering if I'll ever be the one
I think I am
I think I am.
Then you gently re-remind me
That You've made me from the first
And the more I try to be the best
The more I get the worst.
And I realize the good in me
Is only there because of who You are
Who You are.
And all I ever have to be is what
You've made me
Any more or less would be a step out of Your plan
As you daily recreate me help me always keep in mind
That I only have to do what I can find
And all I ever have to be
All I have to be
All I ever have to be is what You've made me
All I Ever Have to Be -Amy Grant
Suggested reading: why-am-I-here, what-is-gods-purpose-for-your-life-and-how-to-find-it
