looking behind to see ahead
photo credit: Edgar Gomez @edgvvr
“In three words, I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life. It goes on.” ~Robert Frost
Isn’t that the raw and honest truth! Reality is, there is no power in the universe that goes backwards on the timeline. Life just keeps moving on, and on…
For me personally, the end of a year always brings with it a certain level of sadness, and yet a level of anticipation as well. The sadness stems from the unbelievable speed at which time passes and how that impacts things not yet accomplished, goals left unattained, and relationships still not mended. It also brings anticipation of what lies ahead as I am blessed to get to continue on this journey, at least for another day, and into another New Year!
I am no longer a person who believes you can only re-evaluate your life and course correct or set new goals once a year, on New Year’s day, but I also know this is a time of year where I do look back and reflect, only to think forward and proclaim and declare how I want to improve and grow in the year ahead.
When I was younger that is how I thought. I believed that this “evaluation and reset “could only be done at the end of a year and start of a new one. Not only was that attitude incredibly defeating, but it also simply didn’t make sense to think that way.
Life is constantly changing; things are in and out of our control, we grow, we learn, we shift our thinking, we learn new things that impact our lives, who we are, and what we are focusing our energy on.
I have found that the New Year is often the time of year where we are bombarded with lots of quotes and memes about not looking back.
“If Cinderella went to pick up her shoe; she would not have become a princess.” -UA
“The only times you should ever look back, is to see how far you’ve come.”-UA
“Looking back gives you regrets. Looking ahead gives you opportunities.”-UA
“You can’t change what has already happened, so choose to look ahead instead of behind you.”-UA
“When a thing is done, it’s done. Don’t look back. Look forward to your next objective.”- George C. Marshall
photo credit: Hadija Saidi @hadijasaidi
There is an aspect of truth in each of these quotes, but I have often found it quite confusing when I read or hear someone say, forget your past. Don’t look back. Your past is past, forget about it. To some degree, yes, our past is gone, and we can waste a lot of years dwelling on things we cannot change, but also true is the reality that we must understand our past in order to move forward in the effort to experience our best life.
Our past is part of us whether we like it or not, and we need to consider it in order to continue growing and becoming our best version of who God made us to be.
Denying or trying to erase our past only ensures that we will repeat it. There are rearview mirrors in our cars for an important, and specific reason. Seeing what is behind us matters. It helps give us the full context of what is around us. It is a defensive driving tool.
The same is true in life. Our past experiences, good and bad are defensive tools in our tool belt of life. I have spoken to this before in a previous blog, we-teach-people .
I had a counselor say to me, “Melinda, you didn’t cause your husband to make the decisions he made that broke your heart, destroyed your family, and brought you to this place in your life. You aren’t to blame for his choices, his behaviors, or his actions that hurt you, but you were part of a dysfunctional marriage.”
“If you don’t figure out why you walked on eggshells and allowed yourself to be bullied and enable that behavior…YOU WILL REPEAT this cycle because, as miserable as it is, it has become your normal.”
Those were the words of truth, spoken to me back in 2001 when my world crumbled beneath me. To say I was angry at his words would be an understatement. Furious would be more accurate!
My counselor forced me to face my past which uncovered something about myself that would have remained in the darkness and would have continued to ruin my life, and likely ruined my sons lives too.
I was terrible at setting boundaries.
photo credit: Emilio Takas @emiliotakas
Boundaries in my personal life are important, but they were critical in my role as a mom. If I had not learned what I did about myself and my weaknesses, I would not have set clear, healthy, and consistent boundaries for my sons, hindering another generation.
Reflecting/looking behind is an important part of learning, and it helps give clarity to what we have experienced. Reflection can bring wisdom out of the knowledge we gained over the past year. Looking back improves our ability to understand the reason behind things we currently experience in our lives.
Reflection allows us to look back on what we have learned, good and bad. We can then take what we have learned from those lessons and apply them in a positive way going forward. They often serve as a reminder of what we do not wish to repeat.
I find it helpful when reflecting to also keep in mind the four F’s of active reflection: facts, feelings, findings, and future.
Wisdom tells me facts are the solid foundation from which I need to evaluate my past. I know feelings are a terrible master but yet, are important to consider. Know the difference between a fact and a feeling. What do I find when I reflect? What knowledge have I gained from my last year journeying around the sun? How can I apply those nuggets to my future?
Here is a simple example of how I would apply this from this past year of 2021.
Fact, I have friends and family whom I love dearly who disagree with me on some pretty important issues of our time.
Feelings, I have been hurt and offended by others and their opinions and it feels very personal.
What I will find, as I reflect back over the year, is that they are still family, and friends, people that I have been through good and bad times with, and they are entitled to their opinions as am I. That does not make it personal towards me. So, how do I apply this going forward?
Going forward, in my future I declare, or make known, as a new personal goal, that in 2022, I choose to not be ruled by feelings so much so that I am easily offended by others, especially other’s opinions.
Knowing your past is important, but God doesn't want us to live in that space, or to try to go back and undo or change anything. We can’t. He wants us to press on and let Him show us the possibilities of our future.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:18-19)
photo credit: Davide Dalfovo @dalfi85
God is a God of new things. He wants to make all things new – for us! He wants to realign our hearts with His. God is calling us, through this Scripture, to look to Him, not at our circumstances, and to focus on our freedom in Christ, not on our perceived “slavery” to world events [or our messed-up pasts].
Although there is a time and place to recollect past events to glean its wisdom, we don’t stay there. We cannot expect past victories to sustain us, nor do our failures define us. The past is a great place to learn from but it’s a terrible place to live in.
Some of us hang on to our baggage (unresolved issues, failures, and negativity) for too long. Learn from them and let them go! [If we live in the past, we will never embrace the future God has in store for us.]
The question we must ask ourselves then is, “What is God saying to us today?” In 2 Corinthians 5:17, He gives us an answer, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” This is the heart of the Gospel! Our past failures, brokenness and pain no longer define us, condemn us or rule over us. We are a completely new creation, and we have a new Spirit living in us!
“God wants us the do the next right thing to eliminate the effects of [our past]. We can undo the effects of a lot of bad experiences if we do the right things now, like repenting, forgiving, forgetting, loving, blessing, believing, and looking forward.” ~ Ami Dean
photo credit: Jack Sharp @jacksharp_photography
The bulk of our energies should always be focused on the road ahead of us, the road through our windshield and not our rearview mirror. If we live in the past, we will never embrace the future God has in store for us.
Over and over throughout scripture, we are encouraged to consider the past, yet to forget the past, press on, and move forward. Do not make your rearview mirror your focus. Look ahead. Keep a windshield mentality.
"Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you." (Proverbs 4:25)
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past." (Isaiah 43:18)
"No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus..." (Philippians 3:13)
We could really dig much deeper into any one of those verses, but I like the way blogger, Ami Dean, You Can Do Hard Things, Live Bravely! digs into Philippians 3:13. As she points out, in that one little verse there are five major components to windshield mentality.
photo credit: IRUDH @lanirudhreddy
1. Dissatisfaction (I have not achieved it)
[“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” CS Lewis]
Divine dissatisfaction is a sign of Christian maturity. It is an acknowledgment that we are "always arriving" and constantly in pursuit of coming to a place of greater maturity. Our dissatisfaction is not in Christ, it is in the life we are living.
Self-evaluation can be a dangerous thing because we do one of two things: make ourselves better than we are or make ourselves worse than we really are. A divine dissatisfaction is essential for spiritual progress. It is given to us by God.
2. Devotion (one thing)
Concentration is the secret of power. One thing is a phrase that is important to the Christian life.
Too many of us are involved in too many things when the secret of progress is to concentrate on one thing. Winners are those who focus on one goal and let nothing distract them. They are devoted entirely to their calling.
3. Direction (forgetting behind /straining forward)
An unsaved person is controlled by the past, but the Christian running the race looks toward the future. As a believer, we should be future-oriented, "forgetting what lies behind." "To forget" in the bible does not mean "fail to remember" it means "no longer influenced by or affected by".
So, forgetting behind simply means that we break the power of the past by living for the future. We cannot change the past, but we can change its meaning. The past can inspire us to move forward.
4. Determination (I press on)
"I press on" carries the idea of an intense endeavor. You don't become a winning athlete by reading books, watching videos, or listening to lectures, or cheering at games.
You win by participating in the game and determining to win. What to avoid here is the wrong mentality of either you must do it all or God must do it all. Both extremes should be avoided.
God must work in you to work through you. Don't die so much to self that you never come back to life again. And don't be so sure you can make it on your own that you never pick up a bible, pray or ask the Lord for his power.
Be determined to obtain the prize, but let God be part of the process and journey.
5. Discipline (goal for the prize)
If we discipline ourselves to obey the rules, we will earn the prize. The bible is filled with stories of those who failed in the end because they disregarded the rules. (Lot, Samson, Saul).
Disqualification happens when we break training or the rules. The bible is clear, it doesn't matter what we think - God lays them out. And when we cross the finish line, he will be the judge. If we have discipline - we get the prize.
photo credit: calvin chou @calvin1029
Our lives are not about what's behind us in the rearview mirror, it's always about what's ahead of us through the windshield.
What do you see? Learn from your past, but do not dwell on it, and in so doing, you will stay sharp, execution-focused, and goal-driven. The rearview mirror is small for a reason, and the windshield is big because the future lies ahead of us, not behind.
Where you are headed is far more important than what you are leaving behind, and where you are going, is far, far better than where you were.
Jesus’ family tree is full of sinners, 41 generations of people who failed miserably, but they had hearts to know God, a faith that was greater than their mistakes, and a windshield perspective on what was ahead. Jesus, our Messiah came from a lineage of broken people. Rahab a prostitute was the great grandmother of David whose lineage ultimately includes Christ our Savior. All types of ordinary people are reflected in the family tree of Christ.
God is telling us that his Kingdom is a different kind of kingdom.
Don’t wallow in the regrets of your past. Stop dwelling on the injuries inflicted on you by others. Get your eyes off the rear-view mirror and onto the road ahead. That is what having a windshield mentality is all about.
God has great things in store for you; that’s what the battle in your life is about. Keep looking ahead and striving for your best life in Christ.
