my big girl Christmas list
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As children we believe
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely wrapped beneath the tree
What is this illusion called the innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth?
(My Grown-Up Christmas, by Linda Thompson / David Foster)
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Some of my absolute best memories as a parent were when my boys were small, and they still had that beautiful and sweet innocence about them.
Most of us wish we could somehow freeze our babes in those precious years of life, those fleeting years, before they grasp that there’s real evil in this world, that life is hard, before hearts are broken and darkness takes on a new meaning in their world, and before they stray and walk away from us, and the very foundation meant to protect them.
Greg and I are getting to relive some of those precious years again through our grandchildren. My heart melts when I see those little eyes, fully trusting, looking up to us for answers to things that mystify them.
Seeing the wonder and magic through their eyes is pure joy that fills my heart so much I often think it might explode!
photo credit: Leo Rivas @leorivas
In a way, I see the innocence of children as an acceptable and rare quality of ignorance that allows them, for a very brief moment in time, to believe in the irrational, or Santa Claus, fairies, Easter bunnies, monsters under the bed, and of course, the myth of the infinite power and goodness of parents.
I think sometimes the hardest part of all innocence to let go of, is the myth of the infinite power and goodness of parents. At some point we fail as parents by perpetually disappointing our children by proving unable to be perfect or protect them against the world.
But I feel, self-defensively perhaps, that their disappointment is more about their particular loss of what we all must lose, our innocence. Innocence is part of the growth of self-consciousness, perhaps “the tree of the knowledge of good and evil" referred to in the story of Adam and Eve.
Adam and Eve were told they could eat anything they wanted — except the fruit from that tree. If they did, God told them they would die. Before “the great fall,” and the loss of innocence for mankind, Adam and Eve lived in blissful ignorance. Life was perfect.
Because of the fall, their eyes were opened to death and darkness and sin.
Their innocence, that child-like magical innocence was gone, and therefore, ours has to go away as well because their fall made sin and death a reality.
photo credit: GraphiDA @graphidaco
Loss of innocence happens to us all at some point because we live in a broken world that does not allow for naivety in order to navigate or survive being here. We cannot safely go about our whole life as children, being unaware or ignorant of danger and evil.
I would venture to guess, during this holiday season most of us have heard the song mentioned at the beginning of this post, My Grown-Up Christmas List, multiple times by now. In my humble opinion, this is one of the most beautiful songs from a lyrical perspective.
No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friendAnd right would always win
And love would never end, no
This is my grown-up Christmas list
Can you imagine a world like the one wished for above, especially when you think about where we are right now, in our world today? How wonderful would it be for families to stay together, that there would be peace on earth, that evil and darkness would lose, and so on?
We do know from scripture that one day, there will be a new heaven on earth and those who have been saved through Jesus will experience this exact kind of world.
photo credit: David Marcu @davidmarcu
“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also, he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” ...(Revelation 21: 1-22:21)
John, the author of the scripture above tells us, one day, this “grown-up Christmas wish” will be answered, and we will experience such a beautiful place, but until then, we should continue to pray for big picture wishes.
There is tremendous power in prayer, especially in unified prayer.
I had a conversation with a couple of friends this past week about Christmas, and we were discussing our Christmas lists, most of which none of us really have or keep as far as “things” or “stuff” are concerned. However, after our call I started thinking that is not entirely true for me.
While I truly have never been a list keeper of things or stuff I want, I have always been a list keeper. As long as I can remember, I have always kept lists of things I pray for, for myself personally, or for others. In reflecting back on those lists from my younger years, and actually re-reading some of them, I am blown away and grateful for the work God has done in me since my 20’s and early 30’s.
I know I wasn’t a child in my 20’s and 30’s, but in reviewing and remembering the things I used to have on my list of wishes in those early years truly reflects my childlike selfishness and my childlike faith.
My earlier prayers/wishes were for God to change others, change my husband, change my kids, change my boss, change my family…
“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” (1 Corinthians 13:11)
photo credit: Camila Franco @camilafrancoa
This scripture has profound meaning to me when I think about my lists in those earlier years compared to my lists in my late 30’s to now. The brokenness God allowed me to experience in my youth has brought a depth to my faith and my “wish list” that I am not only eternally grateful for but am so much better off because of.
“It is not what we do that matters, but what a sovereign God chooses to do through us. God doesn’t want our success; He wants us. He doesn’t demand our achievements; He demands our obedience. The kingdom of God is a kingdom of paradox, where through the ugly defeat of a cross, a holy God is utterly glorified. Victory comes through defeat; healing through brokenness; finding self through losing self.” ~ Charles Colson
“During the final week of Jesus’ life, He was eating a meal, and “a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head” (Mark 14:3). The woman’s action of breaking the alabaster jar was symbolic of a couple of things: Jesus would soon be “broken” on the cross, and all who follow Him must be willing to be “broken” as well.” (gotquestions.org)
My earlier prayers/wishes were for God to change others, change my husband, change my kids, change my boss, change my family…I unknowingly was praying for my will to be done (when I was a child, I reasoned like a child). Everything seemed to be so focused on what God could do for me, and not so much on what I needed Him to do in me.
I’ve often said that while I don’t ever again want to go through what I have gone through that brought me to my knees, broke me, and drew me closer to God, I am so grateful for who I am now because of it all and I can see the transformation when I compare my “childish Christmas list” to my “big girl Christmas list.”
My “big girl Christmas list” today looks more like a compilation of my thoughts/desires, and various verses from a variety of songs that I have specifically taken note of because they speak to what I want and need God to do in me in order to be who He has called me to be.
⬥ My 2021-2022 “big girl Christmas list.” ⬥
photo credit: Jonathan Borba @jonathanborba
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May I never forget who I was before and how You’ve changed my life.
May I never forget your grace, your unexpected and undeserved gift of patience & forgiveness. No one else on this earth could put up with me the way you do!
Remind me that you are the God who stands with wide open arms and tells me nothing I have ever done can separate my heart from You, not my shame, not my sin, not my guilt, not my past, not my scars, not my failures, and not the enemy. Through Jesus, I’m Yours forever.
Father, keep me in the moment. Help me live with my eyes wide open so I don't miss what you have for me right here and now. Help me to not be looking for what’s next that I miss what’s right in front of me.
Lord, show me what matters. Steer me away from what I'm chasing after if it isn’t Your will. Don’t let me waste precious time chasing empty promises. Breakdown any idols I put ahead of you.
When I wake up in the morning, Lord, search my heart, make it pure and full of hope.
Give me Your love for humanity. Give me Your compassion for the broken-hearted. Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.
Give me a humble spirit. Help me to be less and less offended by other’s words or opinions and just seek Your approval.
Give me strength to let go of trying to make sense of something that will never make sense.
Make me Your light in the darkness.
Make me less like me and more like Jesus.
Help me put You first above all else, so I can love my neighbor as myself.
Break my heart for what breaks yours.
Use me to speak hope and life into our youth. Father give me a way to reach and encourage them to seek You above all earthly, temporary things.
Please don’t ever leave me where I am. May I always be a work in progress, growing, and stretching myself to be a better version of myself each and every day.
May I never stop seeing with wonder, the sunrise or sunset, a mountain, the ocean, a hummingbird, a flower, or anything you’ve created.
Grant me a childlike innocence so that I can live in this world with a hope and a joy that others want, and it opens a door for me to tell others about You!
Father above all, please help me to greet each day with love, and an open heart and open hands to give and receive whatever it is You would have for me each and every day of this wonderful GIFT of life that I have been blessed with!
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Children are innocent, trusting, they believe without complication, children receive joy with light-hearted abandonment, they are humble, content in the small things, they have the faith to move mountains, think how much they believe in their parents, children are awed by things that seem magical, and a child trusts God’s love in all its simplicity.
How do we, or is it even possible to find our innocence again? Adults tend to become cynical and jaded with age, while a child has yet to be touched by the concerns of the world.
photo credit: Larm Rmah @larm
What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?
Webster’s dictionary describes “childlike” as “becoming a child; meek; submissive; dutiful.”
“After we have met Jesus, our lives should go in a different direction. We are not the same and cannot go back to the same life we had before. The birth of Jesus brings us hope for a new life, much like a baby starts off with a clean slate. It gives us hope to have innocence again...to see life through the eyes of a child. It brings wonder.” (Franklin Wood, Youth Minister, NE)
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth.
To go before God as a child is to go before God stripped of our sins and doubts, full of wide-eyed inspiration that comes from total faith.
To go before God as a child is to expect awe-inspiring greatness.
So, what does, My 2021-2022 “big girl Christmas list.” have to do with the innocence of a child?
“See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so, we are…” (1 John 3:1)
Like a child, I can come before the Father, fully trusting in His Word, fully engaged in His Spirit, fully open to His love and His commandments.
Be changed. Repent and leave your baggage at God’s doorstep.
Then you can come before your wonderful God, arms, and hearts wide open, loving and trusting as a child.
(Paraphrased from Guy Smith, Lead Pastor, One Life Church, PA)
Songs that inspired some of my Christmas wishes.
Amy Grant- Grown Up Christmas List
Matthew West-The God Who Stays
Jeremy Camp-Keep Me In The Moment
