my kentucky rose
"Everything we do should be a result of our gratitude for what God has done for us."~ Lauryn Hill
Do you know someone who lives like Lauryn’s quote above? Not that they are a perfect human being, but they truly live every day of their life with gratitude for what God has done for them and they are not shy about letting the world know.
I was fortunate enough to have a friendship with not one, but two people who genuinely lived this way and I was blessed to have had the opportunity to be dear friends with them throughout my adult life.
I met a man and his angel of a wife, 35 years ago at the first church my then husband and I attended in Ohio, Indianola Church of Christ.
Their names were Bill and Evelyn Benge and if there were ever two people that emulated what it was to live a life of gratitude, humility, and service to God it was them. From the first time I met them I remember thinking, when I grow up I want to be an “old couple” just like them.
Funny thing is, now, at 56, I realized they weren’t much older than the age I am today when we first met, but at that time, I thought they were much older. Lol.
Despite the fact that they had their own blended and large family, they still took me under their wing and guided and mentored me through my journey as a young wife, then mother, and they were a solid rock for me through my years of single motherhood.
I knew he was the real deal that cold, cold day in January 1988.
I had only been married and living in Ohio for a little over a month. So, I had not been attending Indianola for very long. My father died suddenly in January 1988, so we headed back to Indiana for the funeral and burial.
I remember being at the church, standing at the casket before the service began and looking back and seeing his face. That kind, sincere, sweet Bill Benge grin and he took my hand and said in that deep, deep southern accent, “Melinda, you may not recognize me, but I’m Bill Benge from Indianola Church of Christ.”
From then on he had a part of my heart.
My dad would have loved him, and I can only imagine the conversations they are having now in heaven.
We lived in Ohio for ten years and my relationship with Bill & Evelyn took deep roots. I treasured and deeply valued their wisdom and guidance.
I remember seeing Evelyn care for her elderly Mother for years. She was so kind and spoke so sweetly to her. After spending time with Evelyn’s mom, I understood the role model Evelyn had in her mother, and where her tender heartedness came from.
Evelyn was such a role model for me. I remember times when their children or grandchildren were straying from faith, and she was so faithful to pray for them and love them, but always spoke truth in love over them.
After I moved away from Ohio, any time I was back in the area, they always invited me to their home, and I remember our long hours of talks. Bill was retired from John Deere, and he always got his collection of tractors for my boys to play with and would go through stories about them with the boys.
We wrote letters, had phone calls, sent cards. They weren’t related to me by blood, but they loved in a way that I felt like I was part of their family.
I particularly remember one visit. My divorce had been final for a few years, and I was in the trenches of my counseling, and challenges with my sons, financial struggles, health struggles, and God had brought me to a place in my counseling where I was facing the impact of poor choices I had made earlier in life that led to some of the consequences I was living.
We all have a past we wish wasn’t there.
I remember sitting next to Evelyn crying, pouring out my heart, and she was weeping with me. I was ashamed and afraid she would be done with me knowing some of the “dark places” of my life and the unchristian like behavior I showed to my ex in the early stages of our divorce.
Instead of chastising me, she handed me a box of Kleenex and said something along the lines of, honey, no one leaves this earth with a perfectly clean slate. We all have a past we wish wasn’t there, but some of us never learn from it.
You are on your way to freedom from the bondage. That was it. No judgement. No shock. No guilt. No shame.
Evelyn was quite a few years younger than Bill, but sadly after many years of health struggles, she passed before he did.
Losing her has left a deep hole in my heart and my life.
When I think of her, I think of the Proverbs 31 woman. (A wife of noble character)
When I think of her, I am reminded of how important it is for older people to mentor the younger generations, and how much her role has played throughout my life.
photo credit: Jake Thacker @jaketthacker
“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” (Titus 2:3-5)
This scripture is offensive to many today, but it’s because it is so misunderstood and misrepresented. I saw this in Evelyn, but she was not a doormat. She was Bill’s partner and his love and respect for her, as she explained it to me, put it on her heart to let him lead in their home.
I saw what it meant to submit because you were so well loved and respected by your husband that it wasn’t as if it was a tug-of-war for control.
It was beautiful.
Bill was 43 years my elder. So, it felt like he was the grandfather I never really had growing up even though he wasn’t exactly old enough to be my grandfather. My grandparents all passed away when I was fairly young.
After Evelyn passed, Bill and I continued to keep in touch.
He recently passed away, but our friendship I will treasure in my heart always.
Many, many people will come in and out of our lives, but some people leave a footprint on our hearts that forever change us. That was Bill and Evelyn Benge, and especially Bill for me.
This man never backed down from speaking truth to me no matter how much it hurt to hear it.
One of the most powerful things I remember him saying to me the first time we met, “If you meet me and forget who I am you lose nothing, but if you meet Jesus and you forget who He is you’ve lost everything.”
No matter where life took Bill, we always managed to stay in touch, and I love how his family knew what he meant to me. When Bill needed to be closer to family and have some extra care from them, they notified me of his new address and how to reach him.
When he passed, his daughter texted me to let me know because she knows how much he and Evelyn meant to me and my life.
Our lives are truly just a blip on the radar of time, but we have the ability to send ripples through generations. In fact, it is what we are called to do.
The children, youth, young adults, and young parents of today need to interact and be connected to a variety of ages, especially the older population.
What I gained from my relationship with the Benge’s impacted my role as a mother, wife, and woman. Evelyn guided me as a Godly woman and was an example of how to lean into and hold on to my faith.
Bill was walking evidence to me of what it looked like to love the Lord and not ever being shy to show it, even in corporate America. He exuded love and faith and reminded me of my father in his ability to practice such self-control and truly walk his talk.
(From a writing by Pastor Betty Miller called, What the Bible Says about Bridging the Generation Gap)
“God prefers to work within the scheme of many generations interacting with each other, rather than an isolated generation. One of His most revealing titles for Himself is “the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.” He is the God of many generations.
Throughout His word, the righteous declare that their purpose is to declare the glory of God to the next generation.
Psalm 71:18 says, “Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.”
Likewise, Psalm 145:4 declares, “One generation shall praise thy works to another, and shall declare thy mighty acts.”
From these, and many other scriptures, we can see clearly that each generation is called to build on the foundation left by the previous generation. Therefore, all generations are in great need of each other to complete the work that God has called His corporate body to fulfill.”
I can personally attest to the valuable and irreplaceable lessons learned from Bill and Evelyn Benge, two older adults who really had no reason to be a part of my life. Their life was full. They had their own kids and grandkids, but because they gave and invested in my life, I am a life that was changed.
I adored Bill Benge. He left a mark on my heart forever.
He lived a simple but HUGE life simply because he lived for the Lord.
I told his daughter recently, when she let me know of Bill’s passing, that the following song has reminded me of her dad since the very first time I heard it, and always will.
Much to my surprise she replied back, “maybe that’s because he was from Kentucky.”
I know the following song was not written about Bill, but the description of the preacher man called Kentucky Rose sums him up and is exactly how I will always remember him.
Bill Benge will always be, My Kentucky Rose.
Sun comes up Sunday morn
On the little church where I been since I was born
And there he stood a hearty smile
You could hear his voice ringing out for a country mile
And he could place your mind at ease
With his tenderness and a heart
That aimed to please
A pauper's hands a farmer's clothes
Just a preacher man we called Kentucky Rose
He worked the soul like he worked the land
He spoke in ways that anyone could understand
Simple words of simple faith
And when it came to love
He would go out of his way
A helping hand
A soothing chat
And he practiced what he preached imagine that
And as far as kindness goes
There was none compared to old Kentucky Rose
Evening stroll 'cross Shyler's bridge
That's when he saw the boy
Trapped below that rocky ridge
He knew the danger he would face
But it's as if he saved the child
Only to take his place
For on that ridge of stone and ice
Kentucky met his maker in a sacrifice
Why he's gone
God only knows
Maybe for the company of his Kentucky Rose
So peaceful in his Sunday best
He was buried on a hill and laid to rest
When people heard they came in droves
To say their last good-byes to sweet Kentucky Rose
Now, on that hill
One flower grows
They say it is the spirit of Kentucky Rose
They say it is the spirit of Kentucky Rose
I believe it is the spirit of Kentucky Rose
