the hole inside
photo credit: Žygimantas Dukauskas
“somewhere at the back of my father’s mind, at the bottom of his heart, in the depths of his soul, there was an empty space that had once been filled by God, and he never found anything else to put in it.” ~ Lady Katherine Tait
“Australian TikTok Star Caitlyn Loane Dies By Suicide At 19”
“The young cattle farmer shared videos of her farm adventures with over 50,000 followers.”
THIS is the headline that stopped me in my “scrolling” tracks this week. Another teen suicide. This headline is what God used this week to impress upon my heart the need to address a difficult truth no one wants to discuss, but a reality that we cannot continue to ignore. Believe me. I wish every blog could be light and fluffy fun, but truth is not always pretty, fun, or all puppies and rainbows. Often times, truth is hard. Please stick with me though. There is also good, hard truth.
More than 700,000 people die by suicide every year, which is one person every 40 seconds. (WHO)
Suicide is the fourth leading cause of death in 15-19-year-olds (WHO)
"Words can't describe our loss," Loane's family said in a statement… "She was a lovely, crazy young woman who was an invaluable member of our family," her father, Philip Loane…
Friends grieved on Facebook, including a classmate of Loane's. "Oh how my heart hurts to know you have left us all, the bright, bubbly, beautiful but crazy girl," the post read. "I will never ever forget the fond moments and memories we have together." Another friend mentioned Loane's "bubbly personality and a heart of gold."
Fans also paid their condolences in the comments of Loane's last TikTok video, which showed a handful of pictures of her on the farm with the caption, "Who's driving to Tasmania #womaninag." "Rest easy beautiful girl ♥️," one comment read. "Rest In Peace girl, you did tassie proud 🕊🤍," another user wrote. (Sarah Felbin-Women'sHealth)
The above sentiments for Caitlyn are generally the sentiments expressed by people grieving the loss of someone they loved, but when they are the sentiments spoken of a suicide it really hits me right between the eyes. It’s a HUGE kick in the teeth about life, the fragility of the mind, the gift that life truly is, how much we take for granted, and how much we miss by rushing through, and making assumptions about others based solely on appearances, likes, re-shares, followers, popularity, etc.
This kind of news should NEVER stop devastating us.
I don’t know if Caitlyn Loane knew the Lord or not. To date, I don’t know if she even left a note for anyone as to why she wanted to die, but why did a bubbly 19 year young girl who appeared to be succeeding in life, doing what she loved, and liked by so many, feel so hopeless? Why couldn’t she find a reason to live, something to hold on to? Other young people who have passed in this same way have left notes stating a deep sense of fear and anxiety for their future, and no sense of hope for fighting.
We were created on purpose for a purpose with a hole inside of us that ONLY God can fill. Nothing of this world will ever fill us up or sustain us like our Heavenly Father. This is GREAT NEWS and people desperately need to hear this today!
To be clear, death is always sad. It’s the finality of someone’s life here on earth. So I am not trying to indicate that illness, murder, accidents, or any other way a life is lost is not just as significant, except to say, that all other causes of death are not by the individual’s choice. Suicide is. It is the person’s choice to end their life, and that is how it differentiates itself from the rest.
We should always be taken aback by the word suicide. Why is this happening more and more frequently? Why are people, especially our youth so hopeless that they want to end their life, that they see no way out of whatever pain they have inside, or whatever they are dealing with, why is it that they see absolutely zero reason to carry on? What are we missing here?
Before moving on, please know, I would never want to make anyone who has lost someone they love to suicide feel guilty, as if they are to blame, or think maybe they should have done this or not missed that, or whatever. I would NEVER assume to know exactly how it feels to lose someone this way because I have not walked in those shoes, and I humbly thank God for that. I cannot imagine the pain and questions one would be left to wrestle with.
I am simply compelled to share some information from The World Health Organization (WHO) on mental illness, to talk about the reality of this epidemic, to try to give some hope, and to give a call to action (COA) to all of us who do not have struggles with mental illness of our own or with someone we love. Although, I am willing to bet we all have someone in our life who is hurting in this way. Perhaps we just are not aware.
This issue is near to my heart because, as I have mentioned before in other blogs, while I never dealt with suicidal thoughts, I certainly have had times of deep, deep depression and pain, and felt like I wanted God to take me out of this world. I also have someone very close to me who has struggled with suicidal thoughts, and, I have experienced the death of friends and family from suicide. This is personal.
“While the link between suicide and mental disorders (in particular, depression and alcohol use disorders) is well established in high-income countries, many suicides happen impulsively in moments of crisis with a breakdown in the ability to deal with life stresses, such as financial problems, relationship break-up or chronic pain and illness.
In addition, experiencing conflict, disaster, violence, abuse, or loss and a sense of isolation are strongly associated with suicidal behavior. Suicide rates are also high amongst vulnerable groups who experience discrimination, such as refugees and migrants; indigenous peoples; lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex (LGBTI) persons; and prisoners. By far the strongest risk factor for suicide is a previous suicide attempt.” (World Health Organization) These are all big issues in our world today. These are the challenges people face, particularly our youth.
Globally, the suicide rate is decreasing; in the Americas it is going up
The suicide rate is going up in America. How can this be? This is the land of opportunity. The land where people can be who they want to be. Comparatively speaking to many other places in this world, America is the best place to be. People die trying to escape their countries of origin to be here.
Here are some interesting statics from a recent sermon at Northeast Christian Church…
Generation Z is statistically the loneliest generation in American history.
Nearly half of Americans report times of feeling alone or left out
Only half of Americans have meaningful in-person social relationships on a daily basis
The average American adult watches around 5hrs/day on TV and or streaming devices
People, we are missing something very important here! Something Christians should be sharing with the world! We know the only answer to hurting hearts and broken lives, and we are called to share that news to a world desperately seeking truth and hope.
God created us with a hole inside that only He can fill.
We live in a time where it is critically important that we are all more aware, more engaged, and less distracted when talking to others, that we listen to really hear, that we assume less, and be less judgmental.
Full disclosure/confession. I am writing this for me as much as I am to the person reading this now. I am not perfect. I will admit I am a work in progress. I can be just as guilty as the next person when it comes to the stigma/opinion I can hold around depression, anxiety, and mental illness.
I also do not profess to be an expert or to have the answer(s) to mental health issues or the crisis we are experiencing, but my heart aches for hurting people, and people who feel hopeless. I have experienced a pain so deep I didn’t think I would ever move past it. I have known the feeling of day after day believing the enemy’s lies that there was nothing to hope for, nothing to believe in, and that nothing I did mattered to anyone.
I have walked the road of depression, anxiety, and mental health struggles with people close to me. I know the struggle is real, and I know that so much what the world tells people will bring them happiness and fulfillment are lies. What kept me from completely drowning was my faith, and prayer warriors lifting me up and praying for me and over me. My foundation was Jesus and not the sinking sand of this world. Fortunately, I was not living in a time where my entire life was displayed for the world to know, see, and critique.
When I reflect back on that gut-wrenching time, and how challenging it was to simply put one foot in front of the other, feeling like I had a big red L for loser/failed marriage, on my forehead, I am so grateful I did not have to deal with social media on top of it. I was an adult. A grown woman with mature coping skills. A mom of three, and it would have been too much for me.
Even with all the maturity of a woman in her 30’s, the comparison struggle and the shame would have been too much because I was so broken. Yet here we are, a society dominated by social media, running our lives, running our kids’ lives!
People are deciding their value and self-worth from what this broken world says is good and bad, right, wrong, worthy, or of no value. That is MESSED UP!!
I love Ecclesiastes 3:11-13, “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.”
You likely read that and thought, so? What does that scripture have to do with any of this? Bear with me.
“[But] this passage contains one of those nuggets. God has set eternity in the heart of man. What does that mean? I believe it is saying that God has put something within us [the hole inside] that longs for more than this life. The proper response to the question, “Is this all there is?”, is no. God has prepared something for us beyond the short years of our life here. And he has put within us a longing for that future.
What that future is has been revealed to us more clearly in the New Testament... But, in the end, it is still a mystery for now. However, it is the hope we have as believers. And something we can look forward to.
There is something that is built into each of us. [the hole inside] A deep-seated feeling that there has to be more than just this life. Otherwise, what purpose is there in life? And that longing for purpose and meaning of life can, and should, lead people to the one who can give meaning and purpose to life.”
(Eternity in Our Hearts~Ed Jarrett)
This is the message of HOPE people need to hear!
This is what people are seeking and they don’t even know it.
A little side note here, the quote at the beginning from Lady Katherine Tait pertains to her father, history’s most famous atheist, Bertrand Russell. Katherine was raised an atheist, but later in life found Christ. Upon her conversion she realized her father’s whole life was a search for God. Reflecting on the things he taught her she realized he was always searching for something to fill the void in his soul, and it was indeed God he was looking for all along.
I mention this because even people who profess atheism search for something beyond this world to feed their soul and anchor them to something greater than this life. C.S. Lewis was another well-known atheist who set out to disprove God but found Him in the process. I believe at some point in our lives we all realize nothing of this world, or in this world can actually make us happy, but the question then is where do we look for fulfillment? Who do we seek our value from and how do we fill our void?
We were not designed to seek our value and worth from a thumbs up, hearts, shares, or comments from people who likely have no vested interest in us or the wellbeing of our mind or soul. We are bombarded with information today. Some very good, but some really bad. Some of it designed to make us feel less than, unworthy, and some meant to confuse us by distorting the truth. We have so much information that our brains were not meant to possibly process. It’s too much noise.
Speaking of noise, let’s talk social media again. This can be an area of struggle for all ages, but especially our vulnerable youth of today. This saddens me to think of our grandchildren and what they will have to deal with as they grow up.
It disturbs me knowing what our own kids, now adults will have to deal with as parents trying to manage this as their children grow, and I wonder how will it impact their marriages and their relationships with their children.
I see the devastating effects of getting caught up in the web of lies, lies that can destroy their sense of value and worth. The unattainable bars set for them through the “fake lives” they are exposed to through social media. The constant bombarding of things to distract them and make them feel uneasy, anxious, and never satisfied.
We were not meant to know so much about so many people, most of whom we really don’t even know except through impersonal social media connections. It isn’t wise to allow so many strangers to speak into our lives, especially people who haven’t earned the right. Yet, the value placed on that kind of popularity and those kinds of accolades is what is feeding this frenzy of depression, anxiety, and hopelessness.
We were meant for community, but not a community of 2k+ people who know nothing about us on an intimate level yet know so much about us and often have opinions on personal details of our lives, and those weightless opinions are often driving our personal sense of worth.
All of this always comes back to, God created us with a hole inside that only He can fill.
We will seek to fill that void, that God shaped hole with everything under the sun, but as Solomon says in Ecclesiastes, he searched everything, experienced everything to be experienced, and owned everything, but nothing under the sun had meaning. Only in seeking God and a relationship with Him will that hole, that void ever come close to being filled.
Christians, we are called to be salt and light in this world. Salt is used metaphorically to signify permanence, loyalty, durability, fidelity, usefulness, value, and purification. As light, we are to illuminate or make visible the reflection of Jesus in us so people will see Him and want the hope and peace and sense of value that doesn’t come from this world.
I want people to know there is hope, and I desperately want everyone to know, we were created ON purpose FOR a purpose, and nothing of this world will ever fill us up or sustain us like our God.
“God is not just the starting point of your life; he is the source of it. To discover your purpose in life…turn to God’s Word, not the world’s wisdom, build your life on eternal truths, not pop psychology, success-motivation, or inspirational stories. Make a counter-culture decision to focus on becoming more like Jesus. Otherwise, other forces like peers, parents, coworkers, and culture will try to mold you into their image.” ~ Rick Warren (paraphrased)
Spread the news of hope TODAY! You never know who just might need to hear it NOW!
If you or someone you know are experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741
