this man
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God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it's true
God gave me you
(Dave Barnes)
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I still believe in and tremendously value the God given roles of men and women.
Today is one of those days. I have been watching him. Such a hard-working man. He’s not a farmer, but he sure works like one. If I didn’t know better I would swear he was raised on a farm.
I remember the first time I came across his picture on match.com. He was tall, handsome, outdoorsy, and there was something about his eyes that seemed like they had some life experience behind them. I guess you could say I was kind of hooked from that day.
Keeping in line with my plans this month of November, to write about experiences or people I am grateful for, this man would be right up there. You have heard me mention him in various blogs, and you probably know as I have mentioned before, he is my proofreader and copyeditor, but, in today’s blog, I want to share specific reasons I am grateful for him, Greg Olsen, my husband.
Don’t worry, it isn’t going to be a mushy love story, although it could be. 😊 But instead, I want to share how God has changed me, grown my heart and soul, and has taught and continues to teach me so much through this life with this man.
“Then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature.” (Genesis 2:7)
“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (Genesis 2:18)
“So, the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.” Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:21-24)
I will confess right now, if you are a die-hard feminist, you will not like or likely will not agree with this blog. What I am going to say is not popular in today’s world. I will not be beating the drum of the feminist movement or wearing a pink “v” hat pounding my chest, but I would be grateful if you would read it and possibly consider what I have to share.
If you are a woman who is confident in who she is, confident in what you know to be truth from scripture about women, and love and appreciate the differences between men and women, I hope you appreciate what I have to say. 😊
I firmly believe we have generations who are crying out for direction in this area, looking to us for clarity and some sense of stability because society has created all sorts of confusion in what it means to be a man or to be a woman today.
We live in a world that is trying to strip away the God given uniqueness to being a man or a woman and instead is trying to confuse today’s youth, making boys feel guilty for their masculinity or girls for their femininity.
I am a very strong woman. I am self-sufficient in many ways. I raised three sons by myself. I am not a slouch. I am tough, and yet I am soft. I can be tender and cry at the mere thought of one of our kids or grandkids, but I can also be tough as nails when I need to throw down tough love.
I know who I am as a woman. I know because scripture speaks to who I am in Proverbs. The Proverbs 31 Woman is not a weak, mousey, unproductive woman, but a woman of noble character, lacking nothing of value, bringing good not harm…
It’s true, there are exceptions in this world. There are masculine men who give men a bad name. I will acknowledge that up front, but I could just as easily say the exact same thing for women.
I could be part of the “me too” movement. God truly knows I have experienced my share of inappropriate advances and behavior from men, but I have also experienced some equally horrible behavior from women. It just took a different form, rather than being sexual, it was back stabbing and manipulative.
So, just know where I am coming from up front.
This could take many directions, so I will summarize my point by simply stating, bad men and bad women both exist in this world. Both genders have the propensity for evil. It might not look exactly the same in how it’s carried out, but the truth is, it still remains.
We live in a broken, fallen world where men and women can be equally rotten.
That being said, I still believe in the value of masculine and feminine roles, and beauty and richness in the differences between the two.
Many surveys that are done today with our youth will tell you, young men are confused about their role, as are young women, (That’s a blog for another day. Today’s is more focused on men). Society, social media, Hollywood, performers, athletes, and especially helicopter parents, as well as so many other things have contributed to their confusion, but none more so than we women.
Women have been confusing men since the beginning of time, let’s face it! LOL! I am sure there are plenty of men out there who want to take that rib back that God used to help form us.
I think the choice God made in creation tells me that God has a sense of humor. We are maybe the “thorn” in our man’s side. HA!
In all sincerity though, the feminist movement has really confused and blurred the lines for men, and dare I say for women such as myself as well. We want a man who likes a strong and independent woman, but he’s supposed to know that doesn’t apply to opening doors for us. Do they? Should they? Is that being a chauvinist or is that being polite?
If he does open my doors, is he insinuating that I am not able to do it myself?
What about paying for dinner or paying for a date? By letting a woman pay is he supporting her independence, or will she assume he is a loser?
I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, but he’s supposed to know when I have babies I want the option to stay home, or not, maybe…so, should he exert the energy to build his career or take a step back and be home so she can build hers?
If he defends me is that chivalry, or does he think I can’t defend myself?
God told men, “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.” (1 Corinthians 16:13-14)
He created men to be strong, to be watchful, aka caretakers, and protectors. It’s in their DNA. After all, consider their making, “Then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature.” (Genesis 2:7)
Also, equally important, The Word of God tells us, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” (1Corinthians 13:11)
From, The Sorry Lives and Confusing Times of Today’s Young Men, by Sandy Hingston.
SHAUN HARPER’S NEW BOOK, College Men and Masculinities, is an entry in the relatively recent field of men’s studies. “For many years,” says Harper, “the term ‘gender’ was synonymous with ‘women.’” Just about every college has a women’s center and courses in women’s studies, but there are two genders, and there are problems and difficulties that seem inherent to being male. Suicide, Harper points out, is four times more common among young men than young women. In campus and high-school shoot-outs, the culprits are always male. Men are far more likely to be involved in campus judicial procedures. And yet, he says, “Colleges don’t commit their time to troubled masculinities. There are four awful words— ‘Boys will be boys’—that people use for making sense of what’s happening.” And the “boys” keep getting older and older. [they become the men of today]
[Boys of today are confused] Partly because of feminism, partly because of moral relativism, partly because of Clint Eastwood, 21st-century America has defined masculinity in negative ways: Real men don’t drink pumpkin lattes; real men don’t ask for directions; real men don’t cry. What, though, do real men do?
Before we as a society can offer that social construction, we have to decide: What exactly does make a man a man?
Shaun Harper’s had a smart idea. There are young men out there, he says, who manage somehow to navigate the harrowing voyage through American culture and come out as “good guys”—men who drink responsibly, respect women, and behave in anti-sexist, anti-racist and anti-homophobic ways. So, he’s studying them.
The excerpt above, again from the, The Sorry Lives and Confusing Times of Today’s Young Men, is quite the interesting read.
While some might find studies like the one mentioned above to be all encompassing, and likely to provide a solid definition of being a man in today’s world, I believe it will be incredibly flawed without taking into consideration what we already know from creation.
From, FOCUS ON THE FAMILY , Key Differences Between Male and Female.
What, then, are some of the key differences between males and females? In his book Secure Daughters, Confident Sons (Chapter One, “What Makes a Good Man?” and Chapter Two, “What Makes a Good Woman?”) author Glenn Stanton lists a number of distinctive traits that he believes to be characteristic of men and women respectively. These lists are not intended to be exhaustive – obviously, each individual is unique.
Paraphrasing, Stanton identifies a male’s orientation to be more outward. Boys are generally explorative, determined, have a need to know what’s next, opportunistic, takes chances, initiator, active & aggressive, competitive and dominant.
Paraphrasing Stanton’s perspective on women, we tend to be more inwardly directed. We are confidently enticing, value intimacy above action, we are wisely (selectively) receptive, seek security, prefers modesty, caring, use words, (LOL!! In fact, typically 13,000 more/day than men!), desire equity & submission, wields soft power, and we are wired to connect.
I read this list and I see God’s hand all over this design, these qualities are so complimentary of one another, yet why is it harder to live it than to understand and appreciate it?
This brings me to my list of six ways in which God speaks into my sometimes-confused mind about ‘this man’ of mine, who He made Greg to be, and how I have learned to be deeply grateful for him and our God gifted differences.
I say “confused mind’ because I spent so many years without a real man in my life, in my first marriage I saw a man’s strength lived out through negative reinforcement, dominance, and control.
As a single mom, I was the man and the woman which I have already stated, I did not know how to be a man, but I had to take on that persona in our home. So, for the longest time with Greg, I fought the complimentary relationship, this blessing, thinking it made me less and I was being controlled.
Greg is a man’s man. No two ways about it. He is a protector, provider, strong, courageous, my girlfriend and I jokingly say we love our Neanderthal husbands, but we truly mean it in the sincerest of ways. They know who they are as men, and they do not need to control a woman to prove anything.
Funny, some of the traits I now appreciate in “this man” of mine, are some of the traits I saw in my own father.
Six Lessons God has taught me since meeting this man
1. Trust-Greg is a man worthy to be trusted. It matters to him that anyone who knows him, knows his word is good and can be trusted. It is such a blessing to be married to a man who compliments me in this way. I value trust, especially after being so deeply betrayed. He compliments my need for security by being completely transparent, hiding nothing from me, and respecting my “triggers’ and honoring me in assuring me of his faithfulness and love. What a gift it is to be able to rest peacefully while your husband is on the road for work.
2. Patience-Greg is a man who is generally slow to speak. He takes what seems like FOREVER to make decisions. It’s painfully slow sometimes, LOL, but God has shown me that he is not an impulsive man when it comes to important decisions. Thoughtfulness and consideration to details and long-term impact are important to him. This is how I knew when he told me he loved me that I could trust it. God knew I needed that after what I had been through. God builds my trust more and more each day through this man.
3. Confidence-Greg is a man’s man. He doesn’t have to belittle me or hold me down to be a man. He knows who he is and therefore is able to build me up, even lift me up. Through his confidence in being comfortable with me putting my story/our story out there, God is showing me how a confident man compliments my need to share and connect with others. Especially in his ability to proof these blogs each week which are more words than he uses in a day! LOL!!
4. Strength-This is HUGE for me! I absolutely LOVE having a strong man beside me. I am completely fine; in fact, I LOVE that there are things I cannot do simply because I am not physically as strong as him. I used to think I had to compete in this area, and if I physically could not do what he did I was less than. Through Greg, God has shown me what it looks like to be his partner and help where I can and let him lead where he needs to lead.
5. Perseverance-This man pushes through some of the toughest, most physically, or mentally challenging things without one single word of complaint. I honestly have known very, very, very few people in this world like him in this way. God is teaching me everyday what it looks like to have a mental fortitude of toughness, and yet he doesn’t treat me less than if I give into self-pity or complaining. Nor does he encourage me to remain there . 😊
6. Loyalty-Greg’s sense of loyalty to his family, his friends, and this country is truly refreshing. God is showing me through him what it looks like to be a man to those you love, blood or not. He has remained a stepfather to Megan long after his previous wife has passed, he has opened his heart to my sons and grandsons, and the way he loves and supports his own kids, once this man gives his heart, you can count on him forever.
I could go on and on describing the ways in which God has and is teaching me so much about how our God given differences complement one another in my relationship/marriage to Greg, but I’ve about maxed out on the amount of words he will proof. 😉
The final, best overall lesson I am learning is that a real man is my partner. There is no, my housework, your yardwork, my bills, your bills. We are a team. Sometimes I mop the floors. Sometimes he mops the floors. Sometimes I hire the yard mowed 😉. Sometimes he mows. We share the load, honoring our God given differences.
I will not pretend this was something we knew early on. These are lessons learned in the school of hard knocks and failure.
They are lessons that the youth of today would benefit in knowing from all of us who understand respect and have experienced the beauty in our God given differences.
Scripture tells us that God designed male and female to be compliments to one another, both equal and both different.
This equality does not change the initial strengths or roles He gave us at creation. These differences are beautiful, and they are what separate us from one another, and part of God’s plan is to show His glory over His creation.
Something to consider: Do you understand and appreciate the value of our God given differences or do you fight it? Do you know your worth according to God’s word, who He says you are, not the world?
Additional interesting reading.
