when i grow up
“Experience makes good people better. We have two lives. The life we learn with and the life we live with after that.” ~ (from, The Natural)
If we are living and breathing, we should always be failing and growing. In essence, we should always be living two lives simultaneously.
As the quote says, one life we learn with and the other life we live what we have learned. So, if we are truly living life, we will always be experiencing some sort of failure, but then learning from that and living our life after learning from that failure.
In gratitude of my 56th birthday today, I created a list, in no specific order, (except for #1), of the goals I am working towards for the day …
When I grow up…
1. I hope and pray I NEVER forget the price God has paid for me and the undeserved grace and mercy I receive from Him in spite of myself and my sins, and that I intentionally extend it to others.
2. I hope I always remember what I have learned from losing many I have loved; life is truly a gift, and may I treat each day as such, and first thing when my eyes open each day, may I immediately thank God for another day of breath in my lungs and health head to toe!
3. I hope I never stop laughing, or making others laugh for I have learned that laughter, decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease. Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body's natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.
4. May I never lose my fascination with children and their curiosity and wonder. God has always revealed so much about life to me through children and in observing them as they grow. I hope I am always a child at heart, full of wonder and amazement at God, and that I am always surrounded by children for they are light, life and a fresh breath of air to the adult life.
5. I hope I never stop stepping up and into my fears. Fear is a liar. Fear robs us of rest, steals our joy, and will stop us from living the life God has for us. I wasted TOO MANY years afraid. May I erase those words from my vocabulary and only get bolder and take more risks with age!
6. I hope I get to the place where “I can’t” will not even escape past my lips and is a thought that is completely erased from my head, and that I can pass this down to our grandchildren.
7. May our grandchildren and all my family see The Proverbs 31 woman in me and in the way I live my life. (Proverbs 31 Woman)
8. I hope our grandkids think I’m crazy fun and want to be around me and learn from me. That I don’t take myself so seriously that everything is offensive to me! I pray they learn the value of this trait so that their lives are richer, and they experience less stress from wasted energy being offended by things that don’t really matter.
9. I hope when I grow up that I can learn to live in a place where nothing offends me because I am so secure in my faith that I know that all that matters is what God thinks of me and calls me to be, and the things of this world should not impact the way I live. “Make allowances for each other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3:13
10. I hope people know I am a safe place for them. I have been blessed with many wonderful friends who have been safe places for me to fall when I was exhausted. May I be the same for others as I continue on this journey.
11. I hope I will one day take a cruise to overcome my unjustified, yet extreme fear of being stranded in the ocean. THANK YOU, Titanic!!
12. Besides being a person who laughs and makes others laugh, I hope I never stop laughing at myself and can own it straight up when I am wrong or mess up. (lifehack-laugh-at-yourself)
13. When I grow up, I deeply desire that I practice the lessons I have learned regarding two ears and one mouth. I pray I do not feel the need to lecture the younger people in my life, but rather listen and receive what they have to share.
14. I hope I learn to show young girls how they can eat without guilt and counting every single calorie and feeling ashamed of enjoying food and cooking, and instead see it from a perspective that is healthy, and therefore creates a healthy connection between themselves and food. Life is way too short to waste on shame and guilt. Own it, I am not a small, framed woman, but God made me exactly as He intended me to be. (women-meal-choices-control-female-bodies-food-policing, secret-food-confessions)
15. I pray I show through example that being a servant means being strong and not weak. Serving others is an honor. It’s not being a doormat.
photo credit: Zach Vessels @zvessels55
16. I hope I keep playing in the rain. Never do I ever want to stop appreciating the feeling of the rain on my skin and that childish feeling of stomping in the puddles.
17. I hope I just get more and more curious and ask more and more questions. I pray I keep challenging myself and pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. (learning-new-skills-keeps-an-aging-mind-sharp?)
18. I hope I get smaller and smaller, and God shows up bigger and bigger through my life.
19. I hope I always interact with all ages of life, so I never forget what it’s like to be “that age.”
20. I hope I never stop smelling, appreciating, and buying myself beautiful flowers.
21. I hope I learn to soak up each moment before they’re gone. May I be a woman who can set aside all minutia and just absorb an important moment with my husband, our family, whatever the distraction that tries to pull me away, may The Holy Spirit convict me to just be, and soak in that moment in time.
22. I hope I always give, not worrying about whether or not I can, but rather trusting that God will provide.
23. I hope I never stop self-evaluating and course correcting to live my best life every single day!
24. I pray I never stop seeking God’s will for me and those I love and that I desire to please Him above anyone else.
25. May I do my best to be faithful to the healthy body God has blessed me with and continue to exercise my mind, body, and soul as long as I am physically and mentally able.
26. May I continue to grow in my faith, never thinking I have it all figured out, or that I have grown all I can possibly grow and may I fuel that same desire in our children and grandchildren.
27. May I live in such a way that gives glory to God, and makes others want to know Him too.
28. May I continue working towards being The Best version of myself, year after year! May I never forget, “He’s still workin’ on me to make me what I ought to be… (ADORABLE little girl singing, He's Still Workin' on Me)
29. May I be a faithful prayer warrior for my family, my friends, and this world and may our children and grandchildren know this and learn the value of prayer.
30. May I live in such a way that I never accept my age and therefore give my three sons a portion of the grief and stress they gave me when they were younger. LOL!!!
31. May my attitude reflect a heart of gratitude, and may I live in such a way that others see Christ and His goodness in me.
32. May I be an example of a strong work ethic for those behind me.
33. May I be a better friend, family member, overall person to those God has put in my path.
34. I pray I get the nerve to go skydiving so I can overcome my ridiculous fear of heights.
35. May I be that old person that people want to be around because I don’t judge or forget what it’s like to be young and struggling with life and all its insanity.
photo credit: Nathan Anderson @nathananderson
36. May I NEVER, EVER stop pausing for a breath-taking sunrise or sunset.
37. May those who know this (#36) about me, NEVER stop sharing with me their pictures of amazing sunrises and sunsets they are blessed to see.
38. May those who know my heart always know, when I mess up that I desire reconciliation over being right.
39. May those I come in contact with know that, while we may not agree, I love them, and I am okay with not agreeing. In my world, we don’t have to agree to love and respect
40. May I always be a woman of my word and may others know this about me. May my yes be yes, and my no be no. “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” (Matthew 5:37)
41. May I be a woman who teaches people how to fish, who empowers others, rather than enable them and take away their confidence in their own abilities.
42. May I always remember to treat others as I wish to be treated.
43. I hope I make messes, mix the paints, leave the caps off the markers, and just be creative in whatever way I desire. May I experiment and not see boundaries or lack of talent, but rather just potential, fun in the experience, and the beauty in ‘the trying.”
44. May I never stop handwriting letters for there is such beauty in the human skill of writing and it needs to be shared and passed on. ([for what it's worth]the-beauty-and-meaning-behind-your-handwriting/)
45. May I be a woman of wisdom.” She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” (Proverbs 31.26)
46. I pray that I have the courage to be vulnerable and share my testimony and that it is one that can comfort others and that I use it in a way that glorifies God. Sharing our testimony helps us heal, and our story can be the catalyst for healing in other’s lives. The Emotional identification that happens when we hear another person tell a similar story of suffering helps us know we are not alone. It gives us hope that we too can heal and be brave enough to tell our truth one day. When we hear stories that are like ours we know we are not alone. We no longer feel different and apart from others. (https://www.jcrecoverycenter.com/blog/the-power-of-testimony/)
47. May I never forget that life is messy, and the world of social media only reveals what we allow others to see. I pray I can lift up and encourage others to seek and find their value not in things of this world, but in the one true constant, light of the world, Jesus.
48. May I give quiet, stillness, and reality more of my time than the fake world of social media and may I somehow, someway, find a way to communicate and instill this value in our children and grandchildren. Not having grown up without all the noise, may I find the way to share the value of stillness and quiet with them in a way that resonates with them.
49. May I live where business does not overpower stillness and quiet. May I always remember the old quote, “If the devil can’t make us bad, he will make us busy.” I pray I can somehow convey this through my walk to our children and grandchildren.
50. May I be a problem solver and an example of critical thinking, a lost skill, to our grandchildren. May I show them by my actions, how to critically think, and think outside the box. This is a shrinking skill in our modern day, microwave world.
51. May I never stop walking barefoot in the grass. (some things I like about earthing) (not endorsing, but do find value in a barefoot walk in the grass)
52. May I never forget what it was like to be a single mom! May I use that experience to help others.
53. May I never forget what it was like to have ZERO extra money for medial bills, electric payments, dental bills, lessons…therefore, may I always help when or where I am able.
54. May I give up wearing a bikini again, and just be happy that I am alive and able to play in the water with our grandchildren at all!
55. May I always remember what I have recently learned, that I wish I had known many, many years ago, as Brené Brown says, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” There is NOTHING wrong with boundaries!
56. May each day be lived for the goal of one day, when my life on earth is done, hearing from our heavenly Father, ‘His lord said to him, “Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.” (Matthew 25:23)
Heavenly Father,
I thank you for the gift of 56 years of life. Thank you for my parents, Doc and Doris who gave me life. Thank you for blessing me with such Godly parents. Thank you for my three siblings.
Lord, there were so many things that could have changed the trajectory of my life, but I am grateful for the ways in which your hand moved in my journey and ultimate destination.
God, thank you for the scars. Thank you for the brokenness, the hurt and wounds that have taken me to my knees, and the complete brokenness where I was prostrate on the floor before you, because those were the moments I was closest to you.
Father thank you, for the underserved blessings I have in my life. Forgive me for the times I haven’t lived up to the person you made me to be, and yet, you have loved me anyway.
May I live whatever days I have left in such a way that reflects your goodness and grace and may your light dwell in me and shine as a beacon of hope for all those who are hurting, or lost, or seeking a safe place to fall.
In Jesus name,
Amen
My life song: Heal the Wounds
I used to wish that I could rewrite history
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased
Then I could just pretend
I never knew the me back then
I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I've been
But it's the memory of the place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees and even though I'm free
Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart, take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar
I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don't take pride in what I bring
But I'll build an altar with the rubble that You've found me in
And every stone will sing of what You can redeem
Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart, take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar
Don't let me forget
Everything You've done for me
Don't let me forget
The beauty in the suffering
Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart, take the pieces of this heart
Heal the wound but leave the scar
Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart, take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar, leave the scar
