7 deadly sins & their counterparts (#7)
wrath/anger & patience
A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.
Proverbs 29:11
I’ll never forget that Friday morning, one week before our wedding, trying to reach my “friend” attorney who in the beginning of my crisis was guns a blazing, but now, when I needed her and her expertise the very most, she had gone dark. Silent. She was not returning my calls, my frantic text messages, or emails where I was desperately seeking and needing the legal counsel she had been giving me.
Initially she said she would be on the call with me. I needed legal representation on this call. She knew my manager had quit ahead of me because of the wrong that was happening, and I was going to have to face this all alone, and now that the dreaded moment was here, she was nowhere to be found.
How could she just go dark or silent right now? She knew today was the day I was going to have that unfair, unjustified, horrible call with human resources and leadership. She knew that today was the day I was going to be unjustly fired and yet, she went dark.
photo by Cherry Laithang @laicho
This week’s writing will wrap up my series on the seven deadly sins and their counterparts. We have reached the last “deadly sin” to cover, wrath. At first I thought it would be really tough to write about. After all, I mean wrath? That’s a pretty intense/harsh word. Do any of us ever really experience true wrath or feel genuine wrath?
When I think of wrath, tribulation and the end of the world comes to mind. The days when God will have His wrath over evil and conquer satan (yes, I REFUSE to capitalize that name btw), and all his demons. But, after doing some research and digging into the meaning of the word wrath, I discovered that according to the Bible, wrath is synonymous with anger.
photo by Timothy Eberly @timothyeberly
Now that puts a whole new twist to everything. I would feel pretty confident laying bets on the fact that yes, we have all felt anger at some point in our lives towards someone or something. These past few years I know I have personally felt quite a lot of anger over the direction things seem to be going in this country.
I have felt anger towards people I know and love because of hateful things I have seen them say, do, and post, and that Friday morning in June of 2017, I felt burning anger towards my “friend.” Anger is a feeling we all are going to experience throughout our lives. We are broken people. We live with and around broken people. We live in a broken world. We are going to get angry.
photo by Annie Spratt @anniespratt
In order to understand why scripture equivocates wrath with anger it helps to know the Greek word, orge, which is defined by words such as anger, wrath, rage, fury, or an intense emotion. Because I am not an expert in theology or the Greek language I will stop there, but I think you can make the correlation. Wrath can be summarized as intense feelings of anger, hatred, resentment, or rage.
That Friday morning in June when my “friend” abandoned me in the midst of my crisis, and essentially left me to the wolves, I felt incredible anger and resentment. I remember that whole day just burning with rage. I sat on that call listening to my old boss’s boss and HR making unsupported accusations against my character, using unproven or supported reasons, essentially lies, to fire me, and I had no idea what I could or couldn’t say, legally. She was supposed to be that voice for me.
photo by Maddi Bazzocco @maddibazzocco
I have to admit, even to this day, I can still feel strong, I wouldn’t call them angry feelings anymore, but definitely strong negative feelings towards her, and that is what makes wrath or anger a deadly sin. It takes over our senses, and we become overpowered by our emotions. We can become so consumed with rage and anger that we act irrationally and immorally.
Mark Twain said, “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
OUCH!
I was getting married in one week from that day. The day I lost my great paying job, and with zero severance. I lost my company car, my phone, my computer, my 401K vested interest, my bonus check, and my pride.
How was I going to handle this?
My dad always said difficult times make you bitter or better. It’s your choice. In fact, truth is, that’s really the only choice we have in times such as these.
As I stated before, we live in a broken world, and all of us humans are deeply flawed people. As long as this is the case, we are going to be hurt or mistreated by others in our lives. The challenge is to walk close enough to The Holy Spirit to sense that conviction when we start becoming a slave to our emotions and we act irrationally instead of responding in patience and self-control as God commands.
photo by KEEM IBARRA @keemibarra
I had to make some critical decisions at this moment in my journey. I was beginning a new marriage after many, many years of waiting and being a single mom. This was a HUGE change for me. I moved to a new state, new home, new family, blending families, new church, now finding a new job, and dealing with the blow against my integrity.
What would the repercussions be in all of this if I hold onto my anger and seek revenge?
What is the cost?
Am I willing to pay that potential price just to get even with my “friend”, or possibly win a lawsuit against the company, maybe, in at best, six years down the road?
Reread the Mark twain quote above.
Was I going to let that acid destroy me and the new life I was beginning because my anger was affecting no one else’s life but mine?
I felt God telling me to let it all go, that He would avenge those wrongs, but I won’t lie, it was a struggle. It’s hard to understand why we aren’t supposed to avenge our wrongs, but truth is, when we behave or react from a place of anger, our worst self is being displayed, and if we call ourselves Christians, what does our behaving in that manner say about the Jesus we supposedly represent?
“For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” (James 1:20)
Scripture tell us, “In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."
Our anger and rage gives our enemy a foothold on our hearts. This is why God is so intentional about our understanding that vengeance is His. He is the only one Holy enough to exert His wrath and He does not run the risk of the enemy putting Him in a stronghold like we do.
So, if wrath/anger is sinful, and patience is the virtue, or counterpart to wrath/anger, we need to understand how in the world we can be patient in those moments when tension is high, and our emotions are heated?
photo by Max van den Oetelaar @maxvdo
Believe it or not, anger management is real. Many people have deep struggles with anger issues for a variety of reasons, and I admire those who know it and seek help. I have lived with people with anger issues that they do not/will not own, and they are miserable people, miserable with themselves, and most definitely miserable to those who have to live and do life with them!
Are you someone who comes unglued when someone cuts you off in traffic? How’s your blood pressure when your kids don’t listen or won’t cooperate? Anger is a common, and even healthy emotion. But it's important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your health and your relationships.
photo by Jonathan Meyer @jmeyer1220
Here are some suggestions from The Mayo Clinic to help get anger under control.
1. Think before you speak.
“Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
~ Ambrose Bierce
2. Regular exercise helps control anger.
“Exercise not only changes your body, but it also changes your mind, your attitude and your mood."
~Author Unknown
3. Give yourself a timeout. They aren’t just for kids.
“Your calm mind is the ultimate weapon against your challenges. So relax.”
~Bryant McGill
4. Focus on solutions to resolve the issue at hand rather than focusing on what made you angry.
“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking that created them.”
~Albert Einstein
5. Don’t blame, criticize or hold a grudge. That only increases your tension.
“We cannot embrace God’s forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges.”
~T. D. Jakes
6. Laugh, lighten up with humor.
“I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.”
~Bob Hope
7. Learn relaxation skills like deep breathing, listen to calming music, or practice yoga.
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes...Including you."
~ Anne Lamott
8. Know when you need help. It’s better to get help than to be consumed by negativity.
“Having a need and needing help is not a sign that you’re weak, it’s a sign that you’re human.”
~Kate Northrup
Scripture is CLEAR…
“Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.” (Psalm 37:8)
“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)
"Better to be patient than a warrior, and better to have self-control than to capture a city." (Proverbs 16:32-CEB)
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control…" (Galatians5:22-23)
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