the power of the negative

“The biggest problem any of us ever face is our own negative thinking.”
― Robert Schuller

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Philippians 4:8

Have you ever been around people who are constantly negative and always worrying about everything? You know, the chicken little people who always talk about how the sky is falling instead of encouraging you, that while today might be rough, you’ve got this?

Have you ever lived with someone who always thinks from a negative perspective, someone who is always reminding you of the bad things in life and this world as if you can’t see them on your own? Do you know people or a person who just cannot be optimistic if their life depended on it?

Negative people are worriers. They are pessimists. They complain a lot. They never leave their comfort zone because they cannot face the fear of not having control, or being uncomfortable with the unknown, the challenges that come with something new or different, and mostly, they fear failure. Sadly, often times because of this, they are underachievers.

Negative people are a HUGE energy suck. They leave you emotionally and physically drained. Unfortunately, because of their perspective on things, they have limited experiences in life. They rarely recognize or experience happiness, joy, or excitement because they rarely look at the brighter side of this life.

“If you let negative people define you,
you yourself will become negative.
If you let mediocre people influence you,
you yourself will become mediocre.
If you let wretched people inspire you,
you yourself will become wretched.

If you let positive people help you,
you yourself will become positive.
If you let exceptional people support you,
you yourself will become exceptional.
If you let enlightened people advise you,
you yourself will become enlightened.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

Have you ever stopped to really think about the power of the negative? Has it ever occurred to you that you might subconsciously be behaving, living out all aspects, or maybe even just certain aspects of your life, based on the power of one negative thing that was done to you, spoken to you, or possibly something someone passively aggressively directed towards you?

As always, before going on, I want to say this is not to downplay the pain of people who have experienced severe trauma, whether physical, emotional, or mental. I would never downplay the impact and long-term effect that negative trauma can have on someone’s life. I am speaking of the day-to-day negativity that we are all exposed to through our family, friends, work, communities, churches, whatever.

Studies have shown that it takes five positive comments to overcome the power of one negative comment. In psychology, teaching, coaching, as well as many other areas of life, this is known as the five to one ratio. In the business world studies have shown that when it comes to customer experiences it takes roughly 40 positive experiences to overcome the damage of one single bad or negative customer experience or review.

So, you tell me, is there power in the negative?

So, what exactly causes negativity, why are some people more negative than others, how does it directly impact us, and what can we do to fight back and overcome the power of the negative? Negativity is a very complex state of mind, and I am definitely not the expert, but there are studies that have sited some common origins.

As I mentioned above, some people have had severe trauma such as any form of abuse that has intensely had a negative effect on them. There are known illnesses, pain, and medications that can effect one’s mood in a powerful negative manner. Addiction can fuel negativity. Studies show that about 30% of people suffering with addiction have a history of clinical depression. Conflict in one’s life can cause one to develop a negative disposition or outlook.

Loss or big life changes of any kind, loss of parents, loss of children, loss of spouse, divorce, any significant change can lead to a negative disposition. Loss is the ultimate stressor. Poor self-esteem has been proven to result in a pessimistic attitude, and last but very important to mention, is impact of negative nurturing.

If you were raised with a lot of negativity in your life it is likely that you have assimilated some of the very same behavioral patterns.

With age, I am really starting to see the value of positivity, and how it relates to some key things about people who succeed in this life. By success I not only mean succeed as in worldly success, that of fame and fortune, but I’m referring to people who succeed at their personal goals in life. People who reach their personal mountaintops albeit in their faith, their family, their careers, or their personal goals such as athletics, education, hobbies, whatever.

photo by Abstral Official @abstralofficial

If I am being honest, and vulnerable with you, I would have to say that I have been my own worst enemy in life when it comes to achieving my goals. That’s not to say that I feel like a total failure, or that I have never accomplished any of my goals, or that I have this massive list of regrets. I don’t live my life in “that” place.

However, as we mature and continue to grow in life, it’s important to understand patterns of our behavior, and discern what we currently do, or what we have done, that has hindered our growth, held us back, and we need to take steps to improve and grow. I am a firm believer in the ABL, ABG philosophy. Always Be Learning. Always Be Growing. No matter what age we are in life! We stop learning and stop growing we die. Maybe not physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

As my circle of influence grows, and I am exposed to more and more people who have regularly achieved their goals and mountaintops. A common theme resounds. Successful people are incredibly optimistic people who surround themselves with positivity!

That’s not to say that they are like an ostrich and bury their heads in the sand. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. They have a healthy relationship with negative input or feedback, and they know how to use it as the fuel that powers their drive to success!

This is where I can now see that I have failed many times over, only to my own detriment. I have experiences from my past that have had a profound and damaging impact on my ability to take constructive criticisms throughout my life. I can look back now and see where a teacher, a coach, a boss, or some leader had my best interest in mind, but I was too defensive to be more curious about their critique and too defensive to listen.

I didn’t learn the art of a healthy critique, confrontation, or debate. I didn’t learn how not to take things so personally, or that some things are truly meant to sharpen us and make us better. What I know now is that mountaintop moments do not happen without positive attitudes, positive input from others, but especially not without knowing the art of receiving constructive criticism as a growth opportunity and not as a personal attack.

Negative influences/voices are what cause us to miss our mountaintop moments because we fear, we worry, we are afraid, afraid of failure, afraid of a new challenge, afraid to lose control, and we allow those voices to have power over us. If we don’t take power over those voices we will be the underachievers mentioned earlier.

So, easier said than done, I get it, but definitely worth the fight, but how? How do we fight this battle? Let me first be honest, this is a battle because breaking a bad habit is never easy. It’s a war. Our enemy, satan, never wants us to overcome. EVER! If He can keep us down and broken, that’s one less person sharing the goodness of God. Once less light shining in this dark world.

So, let’s look at some suggestions as a possible place to start…

1. First, it’s not possible to completely stop negative thoughts. So, give yourself some leeway, but identify any unhealthy habits that might be fueling your negativity. Own them. Name them. Pray about them. Release them to God.

2. Do not ignore truths. Brain chemistry plays into our thought process. If you need professional help, GET IT! There is NO SHAME is getting help. It takes a stronger person to ask for help than it does to try to fake it till you make it. Trust me, those people NEVER make it!

3. Understand you will NEVER control everything, especially not future events. Everything of this life is much, much bigger than you or me.

4. The past cannot be changed. Let go of it. I cannot change the things that effected my inability to not accept helpful criticism or guidance, but I can change how I receive it now so I can still have mountaintop moments.

5. We live in a culture that romanticizes and popularizes self-analyzation from a worldly self-view perspective. Ask God to reveal to you what He sees in you, and to make known what He wants changed in you. He created us. He knows what we were created for, and He will refine us if we seek His guidance. Introspection without our creators perspective, runs the risk of focusing on the wrong things, worldly things, and not the gifts God gave us for His purpose.

6. DO NOT let your heart or emotions drive you. Scripture tells us over and over; the heart is deceptive.

7. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, but call it what it is, simply a feeling and not a fact. Feelings ARE NOT facts!

8. STOP with the drama! Negative exaggeration can lead to mental issues. Putting extra emotional stress on ourselves can make us more depressed and it negatively impacts our physical and mental health.

9. Keep a gratitude journal every single day. Remind yourself of God’s goodness and the blessings right before your eyes each and every single day.

10. Spend time in God’s word. Meditate and reflect on His goodness and His promises.

Did you know, “scientists estimate that, on average, we replace one percent of our cells each day. That’s another one percent tomorrow, about 30 percent by next month, and by next season, 100 percent of our cells from today—that’s one way of looking at it. So maybe it’s no coincidence that it takes three months or so to learn a new habit or to make a lifestyle change; maybe we need to be teaching our new cells because we can’t teach an old cell new tricks.
But one of the things I think is even more exciting is that the latest science suggests that the pace of cell renewal and the form of cell renewal doesn’t just follow some predetermined DNA script. Our emotions affect that level of cellular change.
What this suggests is that if we increase our daily diet of positive emotions, we broaden our awareness over time and change who we become in the future.”
Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., is the Kenan Distinguished Professor of Psychology and the principal investigator of the Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Lab at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill

2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us “…take every thought captive.” There is tremendous power in owning our thoughts and shutting down the negative voices in our heads. This is something that I have been working on for years now, and I believe as long as we live in this broken world it will always be a battle, but awareness and ownership are the first steps.

The larger my circle of influence grows, the greater my drive is to fight this battle because I don’t want to live my life on the sidelines. I want to be like so many I am meeting each day who are positively living out their lives and reaching their mountaintops, and in return, leading and encouraging others along their way.