a slow fade

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for loving us in spite of ourselves.

Thank you for being an endless supply of patience with us.

This life is hard, and this world is confusing.

We are endlessly surrounded by lies, temptations, and compromise.

Father, help us to guard our eyes, our ears, and our minds.

Help us to be strong and feed our minds only what is good to nourish our soul.

Protect us, our children, and their children from falling into the numbness of a slow fade.

In Jesus Precious & Holy name,

Amen.

Am I the only one who has said these things to myself? I can watch this movie even if it is sexually explicit. I know it’s bad, but it’s not that bad. I feel the Holy Spirit’s prompting me to shut it down, but come on, it’s not like it’s pornography or anything. It’s harmless, I know better than to live that way.

Or… it doesn’t matter if everyone in my inner circle uses profanity and gossips. I’m stronger than that. It won’t impact who I am. How about…I know the bible says that living this way is wrong, but that was then. Everyone is doing it today so it must be ok. Culturally things are different now. Right?

Except, scripture tells us in Isaiah:40:3 ESV, “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.” This means that what God has established as truth, and just, right and wrong is timeless. It remains the same forever even though culturally things change. God has told us over and over throughout scripture that those little compromises we make, surrendering our values and principles will slowly separate us from him, choice by choice, because truth and God never change.

photo by Samantha Sophia @samanthasophia

When we allow those grey areas to creep into what scripture tells us is black or white, we have compromised truth for a worldly perspective. People don’t crumble in a day. It’s generally compromise here, a compromise there. It’s a gradual and slow fade. Addiction, affairs, cheating, stealing, most sin patterns begin with little compromises here and there until we are numb to the sin itself.

Everything of this world will one day be gone, but the truth of God never changes.

When I first started watching Sex in The City I remember being uncomfortable, even taken aback at the conversations, the sex scenes, and the amount of…sex. I know. Sounds really naïve given the title, but, it was on national television, how bad could it really be given the audience ratings TV shows used to be held to? Even HBO had some standards back then.

I chose to watch it, even against what my own critical thinking skills told me about the title and what the show would logically be like. I decided to give in to my curiosity because everyone was talking about it and what a fabulous show it was.

In fact, all magazines for women were even fascinated by the show. Article after ariticle spoke of the fashion sense of Carrie Bradshaw, the friendship of the four gals, and their straight up, in your face dialogue about absolutely anything and everything. Nothing was off the table for discussion.

The show first aired in 1998 and ran for six years after. After watching that first show in 1998 or 99, not exactly sure of the year, I felt very confident that it would not be helpful for me to continue watching it. I was in the thick of a bad marriage. Life was already challenging enough. I was already suspicious of my husband, of the time he was spending on the road, and of the life I suspected he was living outside our home.

I did not need to add this fuel to my fire to make me feel more insecure, or worse about myself, and more suspicious of all his business trips.

I chose to stop watching the show. I made the decision even though it was THE TALK of women everywhere! I decided that it was not the best stuff to be filling my head with because it would have such a negative impact on my daily thoughts.

Quick sidetrack here. Are the words choice and decision synonyms of one another? Can we simply insert one for the other and have the same meaning? Without getting too far into the weeds, I think it’s important to note, they actually have different meanings. Choices are made from a place of freedom whereas decisions come from a place of influence, both internal and external, such as culture, education, goals, habits, and so on.

A decision is a conclusion reached after considering something, and a choice is the act of selecting an option when faced with two or more possibilities. Think of a decision as the action taken based on a choice. Choice is personal. Decisions are public.

An example of this is what I just described above about watching Sex in The City. I chose what I wanted to watch, but my actual decision to watch it was influenced by culture, what everyone else was watching and talking about. So, while they have different meanings, they do play in the sandbox together and impact how we live. Stay with me.

The questions asked at the beginning of this blog, are perfect examples of compromise. They are little lies that we tell ourselves to justify our choices, choices we make that we know are incongruent with how we are supposed to live and with what we say we believe. They are lies that make us feel better about doing what we know we shouldn’t be doing. We are living in the grey space, that space between God’s truth and the ways of the world.

photo by KTMD ENTERTAINMENT @ktmdphotography

I’m not going to lie, it is H-A-R-D to make the right choices and decisions to do the right things all the time, and honestly, we will never make the right choices all the time because we are imperfect people, living in an imperfect world. Sometimes we even make completely unconscious decisions to do something that in the long run isn’t good for our spiritual nourishment. However, this is not an excuse for us not to try to choose what is right and good.

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.” (Matthew 6:24 ESV)

While the Apostle Matthew uses the example of God and money in the scripture above, what he is telling us is that it is impossible for us to love God and love this world or love God and live as the world lives. We have to decide to which we pledge our allegiance, and this happens through the daily choices and decisions we make over and over that governs the path we walk and how we live.

Science is said to have evidence that we actually make more unconscious decisons than conscious ones. Researchers say that is our brains way of protecting itself from being overloaded.

"Many processes in the brain occur automatically and without involvement of our consciousness. This prevents our mind from being overloaded by simple routine tasks. But when it comes to decisions we tend to assume they are made by our conscious mind. This is questioned by our current findings." (Science Daily)

While there seems to be evidence that we can’t control our thoughts, which impact the decisions we make, the reality is, scripture has told us all along, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV)

We have to be intentional about our choices as often as possible because what we choose to think about affects the decisions we make. Again, we are imperfect people and we do make unconscious decisions from time to time, but we make many conscious decisions too, and as often as possible our choices must be made with intentionality because the truth is…

“As a man thinks, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7 NKJV)

Who we are is shaped moment by moment by the thoughts we choose to let into our mind and heart, and it’s most often a slow fade that takes us from living in God’s truths to living in the ways of the world.

So, what do I mean by a slow fade and by what I said in my prayer above, “Protect us, our children, and their children from falling into the numbness of a slow fade?”

The contemporary Christian music Group Casting Crowns recorded a song written by their lead vocalist John Mark Hall, called Slow Fade.

Hall said of its meaning…
“a slow fade marks the regression that happens when Christians aren’t living intentionally. He explained: "People don't crumble in a day. You don't fall, you fade. In your mind, there's that pride that says, 'I'd never do that'… but you don't just do it, it's a slow, series of compromises, little ones that go there eventually, until you're sitting in a place you'd never go, doing something you'd' never do… and yet the way you're living totally makes sense to you somehow because you're so numb."
“The scriptural footing for this song and the rest of The Altar and The Door album can be traced back to Psalm 1, which reads: “Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on this law he meditates day and night.” Hall explained: “The whole album funnels from this passage. Imagine the man in this verse totally breaking down, but just a little at a time. First he's walking, then standing, and eventually sitting, just slowly shutting down. He doesn't crash suddenly- there's no sudden crash in the Christian life. The ‘crash’ is just the fruit of a slow fade.”” (Songfacts)

Going back to my Sex in The City story, fast forward to late 2000’s. I’m now divorced for several years. Single mom. Single woman, not dating, but single. I have found a new sense of independence, confidence, security (aka ego). God has been so good to bring healing and redemption in many ways. I’m flipping through a magazine, and I see an add to buy the entire DVD set of all six seasons of Sex in The City.

I think to myself, I’m in a much better place now. I’m strong and confident. I’m out of a bad marriage. I am more grounded in my faith now than ever before. I’m going to buy these. So, I did. Again, at first I bristled at the content, both verbal and sexual, but over time, slowly, slowly, I convinced myself that it was really the fashion and the monologue of the main character Carrie that kept me coming back for more.

I liked her fashion flare and her ability to tell a story, but the truth is, secretly, I started wanting an exciting life like hers, not necessarily with men, but the clothes, the “career”, the fun! Show after show, hour after hour, I slowly faded into being comfortable, even OK with the whole show, and gradually over time, all the beautiful things God had been so faithful to restore in my life paled in comparison to Carrie Bradshaw’s fictious life.

A slow fade happens when we continually justify, compromise, or make excuses for doing what we know is wrong.
A slow fade happens when we are not intentional to take captive all our thoughts. When we ignore The Holy Spirit’s prompting on our hearts.
A slow fade happens when we surround ourselves with people who are not interested in living up to God’s calling on our lives and support anything and everything we do and say.
A slow fade happens when we have no accountability in our lives. We cannot do this life alone! We need accountability partners.
A slow fade happens when we lie to ourselves and others about the power of sin on our lives.
A slow fade happens when we put ourselves in compromising situations especially when we know we struggle in that particular area. (ex. Running with a party crowd if you struggle to stay sober)

Most importantly! A slow fade happens when we compromise God’s truths for the lies of this world.

So you might be asking yourself, how can we control the thousands of thoughts that enter our mind each day? What do we do with the thoughts that are not pleasing to God? How can we, in reality, take every thought captive? These are all great questions to have.

Here are some suggestions to help strengthen your resolve:
Spend time in God’s word. Know it! This is spiritual warfare! Don’t go into battle unprepared. Apart from God’s word we cannot think God’s thoughts. Put on the Full Armor of God.
Have an accountability partner. Our flesh makes a terrible master. We all need someone to hold us up to higher standards.
Do not take direction from this world whose message is what our flesh wants to hear. Surround yourself with people who listen to Truth [God].
Ask God to help protect your mind and thoughts. We have an enemy who knows our every weakness and vulnerability.
Listen to The Holy Spirit’s conviction. When your are being called out on unhealthy thoughts, pray for wisdom and discernment in that moment. Know that we have a very limited vison and understanding. If the Spirit is nudging you to move, move.

“Do not copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Romans 12:2 NIV

Casting Crowns-Slow Fade

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands
As darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you
That are sure to follow

It's a slow fade
When you give yourself away
It's a slow fade
When black and white have turned to grey
And thoughts invade, choices made

A price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

It's a slow fade
It's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise
The end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises
Lead broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade
When you give yourself away
It's a slow fade
When black and white have turned to grey
And thoughts invade, choices made

A price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

And it's a slow fade
When you give yourself away
It's a slow fade
When black and white have turned to grey
And thoughts invade, choices made

A price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day (slow fade)
Daddies never crumble in a day (slow fade)
Families never crumble in a day

Oh, be careful little eyes what you see
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: John Mark Hall

Something to Consider: What compromises are you making that are pulling you away from God's truth? What shows are you watching, social media are you following, what groups are you running with who pull you away from what you know is right and good? Where are you slowly fading, and what will you do about it?

Resources and references:

The Difference Between Making A Choice And A Decision

How do I take every thought captive?

the-trouble-with-listening-to-ourselves

(GOOD READ) Difference Between Choice & Decision-Patricia Ann Russell

Everything of this world will one day be gone, but the truth of God never changes.

I did not need to add this fuel to my fire to make me feel more insecure, or worse about myself, and more suspicious of all his business trips.

So, what do I mean by a slow fade and by what I said in my prayer above, “Protect us, our children, and their children from falling into the numbness of a slow fade?”

The contemporary Christian music Group Casting Crowns recorded a song written by their lead vocalist John Mark Hall, called Slow Fade.

seeing patterns

hard to love