forgiveness

it’s not a one & done thing

 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)

Three little words, I forgive you. Simple words really, in the grand scheme of life, and yet, those three little words pack so much power, carry so much weight, hold so many in bondage, and are the keys to freedom for all of us. In reality, they are pretty easy to slip off the tongue, but often times incredibly difficult to actually mean.

Forgiveness requires intentionality. It is definitely not a warm and fuzzy feeling we just naturally feel compelled to lavish on others, especially when we realize that sometimes forgiving someone(s) is not a one and done act. What happens when forgiving someone requires us to do it over and over?

I have been a Christian my whole life. As long as I can remember, I have loved Jesus and understood that his death on the cross and his resurrection from the grave was the ultimate act of love. His intentional obedience, even unto death, is what offers forgiveness to me/us. Forgiveness is great! I need it and I am thankful for it. I don’t remember forgiveness ever being incredibly difficult for me, until it was.

How do we forgive someone who turns our lives upside down, but never apologizes?

How do we forgive someone who hurts our children in ways that will impact them the rest of their lives?

How do we forgive someone who has betrayed us on all sacred levels for as long as we have known them?

January 2001, forgiveness took on a whole new meaning and became a journey I never dreamed would have no end. Those three words were now the key to our release from bondage. When our lives and the lives of those we hold dear to our hearts are impacted by another’s poor decisions, and those poor decisions continue to impact your life for the rest of your life, as well as the lives of those you love, forgiveness gets real. It’s no longer three little words, I forgive you. Forgiveness becomes an intentional act of obedience. Forgiveness becomes a process, and truth is, there is nothing wrong with that, God understands.

When forgiveness is not a one and done thing, it requires us to be prepared for those times when our triggers are tripped and those old angers, hurts, and betrayals want to pull us back into unforgiveness. To be prepared we must be sure to stay close to God, through knowing his word, through spending time in prayer, and repeatedly surrendering it all at the foot of the cross. We don’t have it in us on our own to forgive someone who crushes us, but with help of the Holy Spirit we are able to faithfully work towards complete forgiveness without being trapped in the bondage that comes from unforgiveness.

I have since forgiven my ex-husband of many things, and I don’t live in a place of anger or wish him malice, but the journey for my sons and me has been one of continual reminders of the damages of another’s choices, and the price of those choices never seem to stop showing up as we go about living life. It brings to the forefront the truth about sin. All sin, while forgiven if repented of, has lasting repercussions. Our sins ultimately sent Jesus to the cross.

God doesn’t remove the consequences of sin for many reasons, but one powerful reason is because of the lessons we can learn from those consequences. The journey we have been on since that day in January 2001 has taught me the power in forgiving, but also that we need the power of Christ to help us continue to forgive when our old pain and betrayals are triggered, and that sometimes forgiveness is done solely out of an intentional act of obedience, but God still honors that by freeing us from the bondage of another’s sins.

Let’s pray: Jesus, thank you for your obedience to your Father in that you went to the cross for us, and because of your selflessness, we can have freedom from our sins. Thank you for your example. God, I cannot be who I am called to be, I cannot forgive as I am called to forgive without you. Give us your power and your grace when we are called upon to forgive others over and over. Help us to remember the truth, that we must forgive over and over because Father, we are sinners who require your forgiveness over and over. It’s not a one and done thing. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.