if only I had known…

“Motherhood is the hardest, most important job I will ever have.”

“Motherhood is how God; The Master Potter completed the most work in me and in my life.” ~Me

For me, that first quote above is a true statement that I have always told my sons. Motherhood truly is by far the hardest, most important job I will ever have on this earth. However, before going on, I am fully aware that not everyone reading is a mom, and that Mother’s Day can be a painful reminder of the hurt and brokenness you might feel on this day.

I have been through those struggles with friends. I cannot fully imagine your pain, and I acknowledge that. I pray that you know or find comfort in knowing that you are still very much needed and valuable to the process of raising children. Just because you may not be called mom, does not mean that there are not plenty of children out there who need your love and support, and your Godly example.

You may not have children of your own, but trust me, those of us who do have children, we need you, our children need you. It takes a village to raise children, especially in today’s world. Parents need others outside their home that they can trust to watch over, to intervene if necessary, and to love their kids as they journey through this difficult journey we call life. I have always believed our kids can never have too many people to love them.

You may not be a parent, but if you are reading this, then you have a mom, after all, you are here. Or, you might not have given birth biologically to a child or children, but you are raising, or part of raising children, or you have influence on the lives of children. So, today’s post can still be applicable to all women whether you’re a mom or not. Men if you are reading this, you lead by example as well. Children learn a lot from a man and how they interact, respect, and treat the women in their lives.

Parenting and guiding children is a life-long task. It is relentless, and more often than not, there are not a ton of rewards that accompany the challenge, at least not in terms of immediate gratification. It’s definitely not for the faint of heart or for those who get bored easily, and especially not for those who have zero patience.

The more I write statements like the ones above, the more I ask myself, truth be told, other than a saint, who is cut out for parenting? I heard a pastor once say, nothing attacks the all-mighty trinity of me, myself, and I more than marriage and parenting. Having been married and raised children, I can concur that this is not only true, but personally, I believe parenting wins it all hands down. LOL!

I think singer Brandi Carlile’s song, The Mother, gives a brave and true depiction of being a mom.

Welcome to the end of being alone inside your mind
Tethered to another and you're worried all the time
You always knew the melody but you never heard it rhyme
She's fair and she is quiet, Lord, she doesn't look like me
She made me love the morning, she's a holiday at sea
The New York streets are as busy as they always used to be
But I am the mother of Evangeline
The first things that she took from me were selfishness and sleep
She broke a thousand heirlooms I was never meant to keep
She filled my life with color, cancelled plans and trashed my car
But none of that is ever who we are
Outside of my windows are the mountains and the snow
I hold you while you're sleeping and I wish that I could go
All my rowdy friends around accomplishing their dreams
But I am the mother of Evangeline
They've still got their morning paper and their coffee and their time
They still enjoy their evenings with the skeptics and their wine
Oh but all the wonders I have seen I will see a second time
From inside of the ages through your eyes
You were not an accident where no one thought it through
The world has stood against us, made us mean to fight for you
And when we chose your name we knew that you'd fight the power, too
You're nothing short of magical and beautiful to me
I would never hit the big time without you
So they can keep their treasure and their ties to the machine
Cause I am the mother of Evangeline
They can keep their treasure and their ties to the machine
Cause I am the mother of Evangeline
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Phillip John Hanseroth / Timothy Jay Hanseroth / Brandi M. Carlile
The Mother lyrics © Universal Music Corp., Southern Oracle Music Llc, Southern Oracle Music Llc

Motherhood is hard. Motherhood tethers us to another(s) forever, but there are far more treasures in being a mom, than in only having myself to think about, even with what I know now. Even though there are trials, heartaches, and rejection, I still wouldn’t trade a minute of any of it. God used, and still uses every bit of it for good. I am a work in progress, and nothing shines a light on the brokenness in my heart and soul more than Motherhood. Motherhood is how God, The Master Potter, shapes me and reworks my broken parts to continually be the best and most useful woman of God that I can be, in the lives of our children, grandchildren, and the children of this world.

The Master Potter faithfully…

1. Softens the clay of my hardened heart. James tells us in James 4:6 that God cannot work with a pride filled person. It’s like a potter trying to mold a vessel that has already been hardened through the fire. It’s impossible to shape something that resists the Potter’s hands.

2. Molds and shapes my soul into the woman of God I am today. The prophet Isaiah tells us, “O LORD, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.” God knows each of us. He knows exactly what it will take to mold us. Who are we to question our very creator in this way?

3. Refines my spirit through the fires of trials I experienced while raising my sons. God allows us to pass through the fires and trials. Gold is purified by its passing through the fire as are we, and the Refiner knows the exact amount of fire we each need.

4. Fills me with His spirit. Once I have been purified through the fires and I am no longer full of my own thoughts and myself, God will give us The Holy Spirit to help us do His will.

I never could have imagined how much my parents learned and grew through parenting me and my siblings. I had no idea the treasures and rewards buried within all the work that needed to be done on the trinity of me, myself, and I. Yes, motherhood is the end of being alone inside your mind, but oh…the secrets I have learned.

I have learned…

The suffering of childbirth is nothing compared to the love I feel for my sons. It’s true the pain is forgotten enough that the gift far surpasses the pain.

"When a woman gives birth, she has pain because her time has come. But when the child is born, she no longer remembers her distress because of her joy that a child has been born into the world." John 16:21

I didn’t have a clue about the true meaning of unconditional love. While I may not always agree with what my sons do, there is nothing that can ever make me not love them. Nothing.

“Love is patient, love is kind, it isn’t jealous, it doesn’t brag, it isn’t arrogant, it isn’t rude, it doesn’t seek its own advantage, it isn’t irritable, it doesn’t keep a record of complaints, it isn’t happy with injustice, but it is happy with the truth. Love puts up with all things, trusts in all things, hopes for all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

As a mom, I had an inner strength that I never knew was possible. My sons tested every mom muscle I had, and I worked hard and stood stronger than I ever imagined I could.

“She is vigilant over the activities of her household; she doesn’t eat the food of laziness.” Proverbs 31:27

I have the power, as a woman and mom to teach my children kindness, gentle strength, and perseverance.

"Strength and honor are her clothing; she is confident about the future. Her mouth is full if wisdom; kindly teaching is on her tongue. She is vigilant over the activities of her household; she doesn't eat the food of laziness." Proverbs 31:25-27

As a young girl growing up, I took for granted the value and importance of a good example to follow, and that I had the responsibility to continue this example and to pay it forward.

“Likewise, tell the older women to be reverent in their behavior, teaching what is good, rather than being gossips or addicted to heavy drinking. That way they can mentor young women to love their husbands and children, and to be sensible, morally pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands, so that God’s word won’t be ridiculed.” Titus 2:3-5

I didn’t appreciate or recognize the value in the examples of good morals and strong faith right in front of me that are passed on through generations.

“I’m reminded of your authentic faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice. I’m sure that this faith is also inside you.”
2 Timothy 1:5

God hears a mother’s prayers for her children. The answer we didn’t want, or no answer doesn’t mean He doesn’t hear. It requires our trust and faith to believe He knows best, and His timing is best. He has a plan far greater than ours for our children.

"'Excuse me, sir!' Hannah said. 'As surely as you live, sir, I am the woman who stood here next to you, praying to the Lord. I prayed for this boy, and the Lord gave me what I asked from him. So now I give this boy back to the Lord. As long as he lives, he is given to the Lord.' Then they worshipped there before the Lord." 1 Samuel 1:26-28

The joy I have felt as a mother is like none other. Nothing I have done alone gives me joy like sharing in the lives of my kids.

“Jesus went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. His mother cherished every word in her heart.” Luke 2:51

The influences of a husband and wife and their interactions and behavior towards one another are just as important as the love and support we give our children individually.

“A wife of noble character who can find. She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31: 10-12

That remembering the good things God has given me when times are hard, including my sons and our memories, keeps me filled with hope and joy. I am called to teach my children this same truth.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

There’s a tremendous reward to all the tears, the consistency, and hard efforts, but you won’t likely see it until your children are older and they show their love, support, and care for you.

"But Ruth replied, 'Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.'" Ruth 1:16-17

Parenting is a lot like being a farmer. We have to plant the seeds, water, weed, fertilize, and repeat. Over and over we have to work the soil of their souls and ours, and continually nurture it. It requires tremendous faith and relentless consistency.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9

Being a woman of strength, character, and wisdom in our home provides a solid foundation that will withstand the storms of life. Notice I didn’t say there won’t be storms, but a wise woman builds her home on The Rock and can withstand the storms.

“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Proverbs 14:1

Focusing only on my wishes and goals isn’t teaching my family about Jesus through my actions. Serving my family well is showing Jesus to them.

"Her children bless her; her husband praises her: 'Many women act competently, but you surpass them all!' Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Let her share in the results of her work; let her deeds praise her in the city gates." Proverbs 31: 28-31

Living a Christ centered life is what I am called to do as a mom. I am to leave a legacy of character and faith by parenting in a way that my children know that Jesus is the source of my faith, hope, love, and joy stems from my love for Him.

"Grandchildren are the crown of the elderly, and the glory of children is their parents." Proverbs 17:7

“The influence of a mother upon the lives of her children cannot be measured. They know and absorb her example and attitudes when it comes to questions of honesty, temperance, kindness and industry.” ~Billy Graham

One final thought, and probably one of the most important secrets I have learned about parenting is, God did not give me children to seek their affirmation. I am not here to gain their approval. God loaned them to me to make me a better person, to serve them and teach them about Him. My responsibility is to mold their character so that they learn not to seek the wrong affirmations in this world, but to seek only God’s.

Resources referenced and or paraphrased: 4-ways-god-shapes-us-by-trials, bible-verses-about-mothers

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Phillip John Hanseroth / Timothy Jay Hanseroth / Brandi M. Carlile

Suggested reading for parenting:

Biblical Role of Parents

secrets learned in motherhood

handprints on the windows

what I say vs what is heard