the greatest of all presents, His presence

Written By Melinda Olsen

Jesus is our greatest gift

"Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory." - 1 Peter 1:8

 "May we never grow numb to the news that God came to this fallen earth in human flesh so that we might know His love for us. While the world may tempt us to despair, we get to live our lives between two advents - one where Jesus already came, and He will come again. He is our light in the darkness and our peace in the chaos. Let us share this good news of great joy with all people this Christmas and have hearts that rejoice in every circumstance because our God is faithful, and our King has come to save us." ~The IF: Gathering Team

I felt it come on out of nowhere, this wave of emotions that engulfed me like an inferno and I couldn’t stop the burning in my eyes. I swallow hard as I feel my eyes welling up with tears, but I’m holding back everything that I want to let out. Like a lion holding back a roar, years of hurt and pain, anger towards someone I have forgiven a thousand times over is right there and just as raw as it was then. In an instant I feel the fury, as if the unraveling is starting all over and the need to work towards forgiveness has begun…again.

And it all began with this simple chorus from Amy Grant’s, To Be Together , song.

Oh, when you open up that door
To old familiar rooms of love and laughter
Coming home just the way you are
Knowing this is all that really matters
To be together at Christmastime

Yes! God, this is all I want for Christmas!

photo purchased on Shutterstock

I want my kids to come home. It want to be together at Christmas. I want them to want to come home. I want them to have wonderful memories of Christmases past. I want them to know our home is a place of love and acceptance. God, all I want is to be together at Christmastime.

I never imagined there would be a time in my life when I wouldn’t see all three sons, together, at least once a year.

Suddenly, like a dam breaking, the tears fall, and I cannot seem to get a grip. I haven’t cried in so long. I’ve been afraid to let myself start. I’ve held it all in for so long for fear if I “went there’” I might not find my way back, but not this time. This time I cannot stop what is happening and it feels long, long overdue.

When will the scars stop hurting? When will the scabs be completely healed where they can no longer be picked and bleed, not just for me, but my sons too? Why can’t I fix what still hurts them? Why can’t I stop the endless hampster wheel of stress they feel around the holidays? Why am I still absorbing the weight and responsibility of it all, and when will the one who put all of us in this position carry some of this load?

The Friday before Christmas weekend was a struggle for me. I don’t know if it was the heaviness of all the information I have had to absorb and sift through in such a short amount of time to make surgery decisons, etc., Or, if it’s the weight of, for lack of a better word, dysfunction, that my sons and I have in our lives, and what seems to be the never-ending fallout of divorce that is always present around the holidays?

I know I have mentioned it many times before, but forgiveness is not a one and done thing, and I am being reminded of this yet again as I navigate another broken holiday. This is another year where circumstances remind me that the fallout of a broken home, and the ruthless, persistent pursuit of the enemy. Satan will use whatever tactics he can to inflict pain and division among people, ESPECIALLY families, and it never seems to end.

I was in such a funk on Friday that I wasn’t sure I even wanted to go through with Christmas weekend. I didn’t want to be that person that was so weepy, who cried at the drop of a hat, and made everyone else want to run away as fast as they could, but that is exactly how I felt I was going to be. And, on top of the “normal” holiday mixed bag of emotions, I now had my cancer diagnosis, impending surgery, and treatments I am facing this next year weighing on me.

It’s difficult to accept that even after 20+ years since my divorce, and around all the holidays, that there are still family dynamics and changes that we have to navigate, and this Christmas was no exception.

But, in the midst of my sadness and my hurting, God, who loves me more than I can imagine, gifted me what He has gifted me many times over in my pain. He stepped into my darkness, and while he didn’t remove any of my challenges, nor did He fix all my pain, He was faithful to give me joy in the midst of my sorrow, and He revealed things gained in the midst of my losses.

While I was grieving the loss of my relationship with one of my sons, and his disinterest in being with me, God showed me the blessings I have in my sons who do want to be with me, and in my stepchildren who love me. In fact, one of them even came to bake and decorate cookies with us and invited two friends to join in as well.

I also decided I would not back out on going home to IN for a Christmas get together with my family, and again, God showed up big time! None of my sons were expected to be there, but my oldest, his wife and two sons completely surprised me and showed up! This was the greatest gift! It also turned out to be such an amazing time with my family, and my nieces, nephews, and siblings, were so supportive, and let me know they are praying for me and my upcoming surgery.

It’s not that I didn’t know this about them before that night, but God made sure I knew it without a doubt. He made sure I saw and felt the love and support I am so blessed to have, in spite of my losses. He opened my eyes to the joy in the midst of my sorrows, and He reminded me of all I have gained, even though I have also lost much.

This Christmas, my favorite song has been, The Greatest Gift , by Andrea Bocelli, Matteo Bocelli, Virginia Bocelli. If you haven’t heard this song, I encourage you to listen now by clicking the blue link above.

Gather friends and family 'round the table

Remember those we love no longer here
Together take a moment and be grateful
For the joy, for the tears

Hear the angels sing
Hear the angels sing
Hallelujah from above
Singing peace on earth
There'll be peace on earth
If we open up our hearts
And give a little love

I believe this song resonates so deeply with me because our holidays are filled with these moments, friends and family around the table celebrating, yet missing those who aren’t with us, moments of gratitude for the joy we have in our lives, and for sorrow, because it helps us to experience joy. And in the midst of all of these emotions, we still have so many reasons to say Hallelujah, God be praised. We have so, many reasons to praise God in the midst of whatever we are walking through in life.

 “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 ESV

God’s presence is truly our greatest present of all.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16 ESV

God loves us too much to leave us, and while He doesn’t always “fix” things as we believe they should be fixed, He is faithful, and He shows up in ways we might never imagine to comfort us in our hurting and give us hope when all seems lost.

Jesus is our greatest gift we could ever receive.

There is no greater gift.

Melinda Olsen

From a divorced, single mom, to remarried and part of a multi-faceted blended family, I can assure you, life does go on after divorce, and it can be better than you imagined.

I see you. I’ve been you.

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