three little words

photo credit: Marc Schaefer @marcschaefer

I remember the deep, soul crushing sense of warmth running through my veins. I remember the tears that slowly filled my eyes until one gently trickled down my cheek. “I’m not going to cry. I will not cry this weekend, especially this weekend. I’ve got this. This is just another hard, good moment.” (if you don’t understand this reference, read my blog, its-complicated)

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”
-Mother Teresa

It’s so easy to go about our lives, day in and day out on autopilot, never noticing the really small things others are doing that impact our lives. Sometimes we don’t even have any awareness of the emotional submission and humility it is taking them just to be in our world.

I think back to all the years of being a single Mom and just wondering, does ANYONE even see me? Does anyone have a clue, or even more importantly, does anyone even care how exhausted I am? How hard this is for me, for us?

I know my experiences are not unique to me. I know the majority of us ask ourselves from time to time, does any of this matter?

What is the point of all this time and effort, especially the emotional investment I am exerting, trying to walk my talk and be the hands and feet of Jesus in my home, my workplace, my community, and in my sphere of influence?

“Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.” (Colossians 3:12)

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10)

This life is hard. That is not only an understatement, but also, not a nugget of knowledge or wisdom that I exclusively know, right?

The last few years, particularly 2020 and 2021 have been especially difficult for most people, but especially people who are doing this life on their own so to speak, the elderly, single people, single parents, or the sick who cannot be out around others because they are compromised.

photo credit: Mick Haupt @rocinante_11

It’s hard to stop and take a moment from our own myopic view of life to see how a few simple words could breathe new life into someone who desperately needs to know they are seen, to know that they matter, that they are not alone.

September 2018 was unknowingly one of those moments for me. A moment where I got to experience how three simple words of encouragement breathed new life into me.

My beautiful bonus daughter Megan (explained in blog post, its-complicated) was getting married this weekend. It was the perfect fall weekend for an outdoor wedding.

As explained in a previous blog, mentioned above, Megan was Greg’s second wife Judi’s daughter. So, it was not lost on me that this particular weekend would be one of those really, really hard good weekends.

Good, because we were thrilled to be sharing in this special day and celebrating the soon to be newlyweds. Hard because there was an absence that was palpable.

In the week leading up to the wedding, the enemy was really toying with me, my pride, and my self-centeredness. Isn’t that just like Satan to take something that is not about us at all, and put it in our minds that we are the center of it all?

…selfishness will control us if we do not surrender…

Human nature is to focus on self, and selfishness will control us if we do not surrender the almighty trinity of me, myself, and I at the foot of the cross.

Thankfully, I had asked my prayer warriors to pray for me because I knew the week was going to be challenging, especially given all the other hard good moments I had already been working through in my relationship with Greg, and I wanted to be gracious and humble.

I wanted my testimony to be demonstrated through actions that supported my words, but I knew it was going to be challenging because of many moments and stories leading up to this day. From the time I met Greg, all I had heard about was the uniqueness and specialness of his relationship and marriage to Judi.

As I have stated in previous blogs, I share this not to, in any way, tear down Greg, Judi, or any person involved in my story. It’s just the reality of my story, and I believe God has given me these experiences to encourage others that we all will experience many, many hard good moments in this life, and one does not always take away from the other.

Author Lisa Whittle calls these moments, “living in the tension of the hard good…”

photo credit: Brett Jordan @brett_jordan

Greg was with Megan’s mom when she left this earth. He was the one to have had those final discussions with her. He was the one who knew those last precious words of love and life she would want him to share with her daughters in those future special moments when she could not be there, and I knew this.

Greg was also living smack dab in the middle of this hard good moment, and he was struggling.

Greg and Megan had a close bond because Megan was around their home quite a bit, especially when Judi was sick. He wanted and needed to give a toast at the rehearsal dinner, but he was conflicted because he did not want to make me feel uncomfortable, but he knew he wanted and needed to speak of Judi in his toast.

Greg had the key to that last part of Megan’s mom. Greg held those words from Judi’s final few weeks on this earth, and Megan would need to hear them on that special night, from the man who made her mom’s last days here on this earth as beautiful, tender, and as loving as someone could.

In an effort to respect the precious conversations we had around his toast, through tears and the sharing of his memories, I will simply say, Greg wrote and delivered a very sentimental, eloquent, respectful, and loving toast to the couple to be.

That being said, I am not going to pretend that I was a saint in all of this. Inside, I was hurting. I was emotionally all over the place during all of this.

I was torn for Megan, knowing how much she missed her mom. I was torn for Greg, knowing how much he missed Judi, and for Judi’s family seeing me with Greg at this particular event…

Not because Greg wasn’t attentive, but because of the hard good moment that it was. Hard because Judi’s absence was heavily felt, but good because it was a beautiful occasion, and yet still hard because I felt totally alone in a room full of people.

I felt like I didn’t belong there.

The story I was telling myself was that I was an intruder, and that everyone was thinking I didn’t belong there with Greg, because in life’s complicated, twisted way, I knew there was some truth in that.

I felt this internal battle raging inside of me. So much conflict and self-doubt, but then God…

photo credit: absolutely_frenchy

God sent “an angel” in the form of one of my sweet stepdaughter’s, Katie Joy, to speak three simple words to me that still to this day, cause tears to fall just thinking about that moment.

She intentionally sought me out…

Her three simple words of affirmation breathed new life into me.

After Greg gave his toast, several others continued toasting Megan and Adam. When the toasting ended, I needed some air, so I went into another room to just breathe. I will never forget what this sweet, old sole Katie did.

She intentionally sought me out, pulled a chair up knee to knee with me, hugged me and said, “I see you. WE see you.”

I didn’t want to, but even now, remembering that precious moment and her simple words, the tears flow.

“Demanding that only one thing can be true at the same time will hinder [us] from living a full life. If you want to have a full life, you have to accept its nuances. Sometimes life will have you laughing five minutes after you have cried. Sometimes you’ll be mad at your circumstances and still grateful to be alive.”  Lisa Whittle.

We will all experience living in the tension of the hard good, but those are opportunities for us to touch someone else’s life, and as it was with Katie to me, sometimes it’s as simple as saying just three little words.

The power of the tongue to speak life into others is tremendous. Some words can give life, and some can be life-taking and potentially crushing.

In that moment if someone had come to me and said negative things like, I can’t believe you can deal with all of this, or how on earth do you stay knowing how much he adored Judi, I might not have the amazing marriage I have today with more love from our blended family than I could have ever imagined.

The power of the tongue is incredible. Words can build, and they can destroy. Words carry meaning and momentum within a person and relationships.

Speaking life-giving words can bring love, encourage, distract, bring truth, deceive, fill a room, help pass the time, connect, guide, divide, form perceptions, and impact our memories, and we don’t even have to speak a plethora of words.

Three simple words, “I see you. WE see you,” breathed new life into me and into my relationship with Greg’s family, and in that moment, I no longer felt alone, like I was invisible.

photo credit: Melissa Askew @melissaaskew

It’s so easy to go about our lives, day in and day out on autopilot, never noticing others, or the really small things others are doing/sacrificing that impact our lives.

Sometimes we don’t even have any awareness of the emotional submission and humility it is taking others just to be in our world.

I know the majority of us ask ourselves from time to time, does any of this matter? Does anybody see me?

2020 and 2021 have been especially difficult for most people, but especially people who are doing this life on their own so to speak, the elderly, single people, single parents, or the sick who cannot be out around others because they are compromised.  

We live in a time where people are profoundly lonely, and they can still feel alone when they’re in a room full of people.

Even superstar Justin Bieber, who performs in front of hundreds of thousands of adoring fans, sings about feeling isolated in his song, “Lonely.”

What if you had it all
But nobody to call?
Maybe then, you’d know me
‘Cause I’ve had everything
But no one’s listening
And that’s just f—n’ lonely
I’m so lonely
Lonely

Another pop idol, Donny Osmond, tweeted similar feelings after hearing Bieber’s song:

@justinbieber’s new song #Lonely really hit home for me. Despite crowds of screaming fans and endless attention, I still feel debilitating loneliness. I relate to what Justin’s been through, & I admire the way he’s changed his life.

Even famous people are lonely. Loneliness isn’t due to a lack of acquaintances or social contacts; it’s caused by a lack of feeling connected to others.

People, we have the power to breathe life into a world full of lonely, hurting, searching, and lost people. “The tongue has the power of life and death…” (Proverbs 18:21)

THREE WORDS…That’s all it takes.

Many of the simplest, yet most profound commands we hear from Jesus are summed up in three words: “Love one another”, “Remain in Me”, “Do not judge”, “Watch and pray,” “Do not worry”.

Focusing on just three words is not a principle to be followed. My whole point here is not how many words you use, but rather that, sometimes it’s the simplest and fewest of words that touch the hearts of others or can change the trajectory of a life or situation.

Bigger is not always better. Longer is not always loftier. God knows best – let’s allow His Words to change our lives.

“When words are many, sin is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise.” (Proverbs 10:19)

“The one who has knowledge restrains his words, and one who keeps a cool head is a person of understanding. Even a fool is considered wise when he keeps silent—discerning when he seals his lips.” (Proverbs 17: 27-28)

photo credit: Emmanuel Phaeton @emmanuelphaeton

Something to Consider: Are there three words in the list below that you need to say to someone today? Can you think of someone you know who just might need to hear three simple words that could breathe life into them? Spend some time reading through the list below and think about the impact of those three little words, on your life, your eternity, and for all humankind.

I love you.

 I see you.

You are heard.

You are loved.

I am here.

Be the light.

Hold your tongue.

Extend a hand.

Lift someone up.

Please, forgive me.

You are forgiven.

I forgive you.

It is well.

Peace, be still.

God is good.

In a manger. (Where the babe/King (Jesus) was placed)

Come, follow me. (Jesus calling his disciples)

It is written. (Jesus using the power of The Word to overcome Satan)

I am willing. (The three words Jesus spoke to the leper before healing him)

Quiet! Be still (Jesus calms the storm)

On a cross. (Where sin was washed away by the blood of Christ)

It is finished. (Sinless Jesus died for the salvation of humanity)

He is risen. (Jesus defeated the grave)

He defeated death. (Promise of life after this life)

HE SEES YOU! (You are NEVER alone!)

Jesus LOVES YOU!!!

(A small part of today’s blog was paraphrased from (8-habits-of-lonely-people))