time
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NIV)
Sometimes, God has to strip our faith down to nothing in order to remind us that He reigns over all. We can trust that all things are purposeful, including us, and our opportunity to choose and act in this life
Many of us may be familiar with the above scripture but might not realize that it is actually taken from the Bible and did not originate with the infamous recording of Turn! Turn! Turn!-The Byrds. 😉 To give this scripture some context, King Solomon, the author, was known as one of the wisest king’s to have lived. He had anything and everything a person could possibly want. God had shown tremendous favor to him and yet he still searched for more. He was a seeker on a quest for the meaning and purpose of life. So, he began to search for the meaning and purpose of life “under the sun,” apart from God.
Solomon was basically bored. He had it all, owned it all, and had done it all. He searched for the meaning of life through all possible human avenues, only to conclude, it is all useless without God.
I too went on a journey. I sought meaning and purpose apart from God, only my reason was not the same as that of King Solomon. In fact, just the opposite. Things were not going well.
My journey began out of pure exhaustion from keeping the faith, seeking God’s will, believing God wanted only good for me, but continually hitting roadblocks. It seemed every time I got a few steps ahead, something happened, and I would end up going backwards. I especially struggled seeing so many who couldn’t care less about God or His will, just living their lives as they wanted, thriving, and succeeding, no matter who they took down in the process.
My faith had been stretched so far; I simply could not believe if God were real that He would continue to allow so much hurt and failure to keep piling up on me. Over time I began questioning God and His reality.
I got to the point where I cried out to God and said, “I’ve got nothing more, God. This is the final straw. I need you to show me that you are real.” I had stayed strong through so many twists and turns throughout my divorce and illnesses, work challenges, you name it, but this series of events was the final straw.
The first event was something that happened at the church I was attending at the time. Yes, even Christians hurt one another, and the church can be a place where some of the most damage is done to a healing/hurting soul. It’s hard to keep in mind that a church is made up of broken and hurting people and sometimes those hurting people, hurt other people. (This is a topic for another day. So much could be said about this alone.)
My ex and I had always been involved in the praise and worship bands in the churches we attended through the years. I often taught Sunday school, led bible studies, small groups, etc., but when everything fell apart, I stepped away from any sort of leadership. I held so much anger towards my ex and the women he had been involved with, that I did not feel right holding a leadership position when my heart was anything, but grace filled.
Fast forward several years had passed since I was part of a praise band. I felt God leading me to step up and get involved again. I have stated before, music is one on my love languages, and definitely a way that God speaks to my heart. So, I knew this would be a huge part of healing for me. I reached out to the music minister and asked to be a part of the praise team.
They required tryouts. They also required that I answer some pretty deep and specific questions about my background, my faith, and my reasons for wanting to be a part of the team. I went through their process, but there was one woman on the team who did not want me to be a part of the group. She was aware of what was going on in my life, the hurt and struggles I was overcoming, and how I believed being back in a praise and worship band would be healing for me, but she saw to it that I was not invited to sing, and I was told there wasn’t a place for me on the team.
This really shook me. I had never been turned away from volunteering to serve/sing. I had sung in church since I was young, I was a part of many choirs throughout my years, even sang with a singing group at Purdue, The Purduettes. I know I can sing, and I was certain God had led me to step out in this way, and yet my church was saying, we don’t have a place for you to serve on our praise team?
I wasn’t quite sure what to make of this and why God had allowed this kind of a blow now too!
I continued ahead, never really letting go of that rejection, and never getting any closure or understanding about the whole situation. It was a wound that remained open and festering. Over the course of the next few years, I ran into a variety of challenges that piled up and did not make sense in light of what I thought I knew about faith and seeking to live in God’s will. It felt like salt was endlessly getting poured on my wounds. I began experiencing a variety of pretty serious challenges with my sons. Things that required real attention and parental involvement.
I remember feeling so angry with God that I was always the brunt of their anger, that the negative examples in their life far outweighed the good as far as the impact made on them. The final events that literally forced me to tell God I am done…my oldest son walked away from his faith, and my middle son told me he was gay.
This was it for me. THE FINAL STRAW.
How could a loving God allow this? Where did I go wrong that my oldest no longer believes? How did he go from singing worship songs at the top of his lungs, to not wanting a thing to do with church? What can I do to show him God loves him? What does the future look like for my middle son? How will he be treated? How do we navigate this because he was struggling, and I was concerned for his overall ability to process what he was going through?
I wasn’t equipped to handle so many of the issues the boys were dealing with, and I did not have a partner to share in the burden.
Out of nowhere, that old wound from the whole praise team rejection reared its ugly head in the midst of all of this.
The combination of it all built up to a massive sense of rejection. I felt rejected by my church, by my sons, and ultimately by God. I cried out, “I’ve got nothing more, God. This is the final straw. I need you to show me that you are real. I am stripping my faith down to zero, and I need you to build my faith back up.”
Standing on a road I didn't plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I'm trying to hear that still small voice
I'm trying to hear above the noise
How many times have you heard me cry out
"God please take this"?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
This is a time in my journey I am not necessarily proud of, but I share it because I also know I am not alone in having experienced life’s struggles. I have many Christian friends that I have had this very conversation with, but Christians often believe it’s unforgivable to question God or be angry. I share this to tell you God knows whether you say it out loud or not. He knows and He is big enough to handle it.
God was patient with me. Slowly, He restored my faith by making it known to me that He is sovereign and truly has all things planned out in His time. I can promise you that God will be faithful to hear your cries, and He will be faithful to lead you back home, but your heart must be open and seeking His will. The challenging part is always waiting on His timing. This stripping back the layers resulted in an added depth to my faith I might not have ever experienced, and a view of God’s faithfulness I pray I never forget.
I still don’t know why I experienced the rejection from the church about singing, but I do know that several years later, that very same woman who didn’t want me on the team, walked a journey in her marriage similar to the one that I had gone through and was hopefully humbled by her experience.
Things in my life are not perfect, there are still struggles, and work is still being done in all of our lives, but now I better understand that God has a time for everything, and it isn’t our time, but we can trust that it is the perfect time. God is never too early or too late. We just don’t have the eternal wisdom to understand His ways.
“As seen in Solomon’s poem at the beginning, God has appointed the cycles of life. They have a rhythm. A place in time. Because they are appointed by God, we can see His timing and sovereignty in all things, and that gives them meaning and purpose. This is a stark contrast to observing the cycles from a perspective of human reason and experience, where they just look like a person running on a treadmill. It is a mystery, a vapor, to our reason but it is the beautiful paradox of God’s eternal kingdom. Trust in Him transcends our uncertainty.
The comprehensive nature of everything having been appointed means that even bad things have a place in God’s plan. Every human activity is an invitation by God. An invitation to be grateful. This is a foundation to enjoy life. An invitation to trust God’s sovereign hand.
All things are appointed. We can trust that all things are purposeful and meant for a specific time. Including us, and our time here on earth, and our freedom to choose and act in this life. And God’s appointment is exhaustive. It applies to everything. There is not a single thing that is random. All things are appointed. Further, every single thing has an appointed time. Not only are all things appointed, but the time of all things is also appointed.
This is a foundation to live a life of meaning and purpose. God has granted each of us the freedom to act upon His creation, and impact human history.” (Paraphrased from The Bible Says)
Something to consider: Have you ever had to start back at nothing to realize you have everything in God? Does it help to know that even the wisest of men, King Solomon also searched for meaning beyond what this world offers? Do you believe that you have a purpose?
To learn more about King Solomon and his wisdom, take a look at some of his Proverbs (aka wise rules for life) here: Top Proverbs of the Bible
