to enjoy or endure

how is life meant to be?

“When you think life is a burden remember the privilege. Life is a gift, and the fact that you’re here, and alive and breathing is a privilege and a blessing. We need to remind ourselves to honor that each and every day we are alive!” ~Selena Samuela, Peloton Instructor 

I know this is going to sound absolutely crazy, but I feel so blessed in my journey with cancer. Don’t get me wrong, I’d be okay if I didn’t have to walk this road, but I do, and I can see God’s hand all over it. Since the time I shared that I had been diagnosed with breast cancer I have been doubly blessed by others more times than I can count. In fact, my cup runneth over with unexpected, undeserved blessings as we navigate this distraction, this rumble strip on our road of life.

A crazy thing about walking with Jesus, especially through fires, is just how precious those walks are when you are struggling, when life is hard, and you are fighting to hang on emotionally, spiritually, and physically. While no one willingly begs God to persecute them, or to give them an illness, or throw them into the depths of pain and despair, when we are there, and we let Jesus carry us through, it is such a sweet, sweet spot of unexplainable joy, peace, and a closeness to Him that is so difficult to know outside of trials.

The Christian’s journey through life isn’t a sprint but a marathon, and the trials and pain we experience as we run this marathon are what either makes our faith or breaks our faith. In John 16:33, Jesus said life wouldn't be easy. "In the world, you will have tribulation." We all discover that truth. But that’s not all Jesus said. He said, Yes, you will have trouble, "But take heart; I have overcome the world." As we walk this life with Christ, we should expect two things simultaneously. We should expect trouble. And we should expect Christ’s victory that will sustain us through all our trials. 

photo by leah hetteberg @leahhetteberg

When I started my journey with cancer, I prayed that God would open doors for me to share His hope and the reason for my joy and peace. I also prayed that He would lift my head and eyes to see the doors and opportunities He was providing for me.

It’s easy for me to pray for opportunities, but then be so inwardly focused that I miss them right in front of me. I do not want to miss what He has in store for me in this moment of my life.

I know I need Him to keep me from focusing inward and not outward. I pray that He will give me the courage to be His light in a not so bright place, The Cancer Center, and that I will have courage instead of fear.

“God doesn’t comfort us to make us comfortable, but to make us comforters.” ~ Billy Graham

It’s hard to have joy and share joy when we are in pain, physically or emotionally, or when we know others are hurting even worse than we are. We cannot do it of our own accord.

We must have the strength that only comes from Jesus, and we must have Jesus Christ in our lives to have a joy so deep that not even pain or suffering can take it from us. That kind of joy requires a supernatural kind of power we simply cannot possess without The Holy Spirit.

 God has been so faithful to give me peace and joy through all of this. Now, to be clear, I do not and will not compare my situation to anyone else. I am incredibly grateful that my cancer is not what it could be. I visit a cancer center everyday right now and I know there are people hurting more than I am. I am humbled by what I see people enduring.

What I can say with full confidence, is that I believe God answers prayer. That’s not to say He removes pain and struggles, but I promise, if you earnestly seek Him with all your heart, He will give you joy, and an opportunity to comfort and encourage others with that joy.

This is exactly what I pray for. Opportunities to share, and the courage to follow through because I know many are hurting way more than I am.

This life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured.

photo by Pablo Merchán Montes @pablomerchanm

This past week, God opened that door for me. I met a man my first week at radiation, I will call him Tom. Tom is a 70 something year old man. The first time I saw him was the first day there were only two of us waiting our turn for radiation, usually, sadly enough it’s a packed room. He was sitting alone, and just looked so tired, and in such pain, both physically and emotionally.

True to our human nature, I sat down, started flipping through my phone when I felt that nudge. It’s that prompting, that ‘voice’ you hear in your heart of The Holy Spirit when you are supposed to pay attention? Funny thing was I didn’t want to, I was tired that day, and honestly, Tom looked mean and most definitely not welcoming of a conversation.

Well, suffice it to say, The Holy Spirit won. The Spirit was relentless because I had prayed in earnest for God to provide opportunities for me to witness, and then to wake my sorry, self-centered behind up to see what was in front of my eyes. Tom was who God wanted me to talk to. So I did.

I found out that he had endured chemo to shrink a tumor on his neck, then surgery to remove it, and had already had four weeks of radiation on his neck, and then they found more cancer under his tongue. He is to have twenty more rounds of radiation and more treatments than I can even list here.

Is it any wonder Tom looked mean and most definitely not welcoming of a conversation? Tom is fighting a war. That was the only time that week we had an opportunity to speak. We passed one another multiple times in and out of radiation, but I never sensed God leading me to reach out.

Week two rolls around. I prayed for God to please give me another chance to speak to Tom, and the words to say to someone walking through what he is going through, fighting the war he is fighting, and that day came.

This past week, I came out of my treatment, and usually Tom is gone because his treatment is before mine, but today when I came out, Tom was sitting in a chair outside the dressing rooms. He wasn’t feeling well. So, they were going to have him see his doctor.

I asked him, are you okay? Can I do anything for you? Get someone for you? He looked up at me and said he didn’t feel well, he has terrible migraines, and the treatments make then worse. We began to share information. I know he is an accountant, lost his mom at 17, put himself through college because his father was an alcoholic.

I asked him if he has a support system. Praise God, he said he has a good extended family. I was so thankful he isn’t walking this all alone. As we talked more, I felt the spirit nudge me to ask him about his faith. Does he have one? He shared with me that he reads a book, Life after Life, twice a year, and has done so for many years.

While he never officially said he believes in God or Jesus, he did say, that because of reading that book he’s curious. I say, because he continues to read that book over and over, Tom is searching. Just like so many in this world.

God puts that black hole inside of all of us that only He can fill, but He’s a gentleman. He will knock on the door of our hearts but will only enter if invited. Tom doesn’t seem to be there yet.

photo by Joshua Earle @joshuaearle

As we talked more, he said something that really struck me. Tom said, “It’s hard for me to believe when I’m going through what I’m going through. When I wake up each morning all I can think is, this life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured.” Then he asked me if I agreed, but I couldn’t say yes, because I don’t agree.

I struggled with the right words to say.

I prayed. Please God, I don’t know how to articulate what I need to say without coming across as insensitive. This man is enduring tremendous pain and sickness. The last thing I want to do is sound like one of those insensitive, just trust God, holier than thou Christians, but I don’t believe this life is simply meant to be enjoyed. You don’t promise that in Your word. How can I possibly pretend to agree…

Thankfully, God put it on my heart to share my testimony, to tell Tom why I don’t believe this life is all about simply enjoying ourselves, nor that we are to just simply endure life. I was able to share with him how God has made me stronger and a better person with each trial I have walked through.

I was able to share how God has shown up for me and while He did not remove my trials or struggles, He has been faithful and has walked through the fires with me. I was able to share with him why I have joy in the midst of my pain and how I am able to enjoy life even now. I explained of course that I am in no way perfect as I walk through things, but I know a God who loves me in spite of myself and will never let me go.

I was struggling to know whether or not to ask if I could pray with him, and was feverishly praying as I stood there asking God, should I? That’s when the nurse came around the corner and took him in to see the doctor. I don’t think the time was right to pray with him, but as he walked away I said I would pray for him, and the nurse said, well so will I! 😊

I saw Tom Friday. He was coming out of radiation, and I was headed in. As he passed me his eyes were looking down at the ground, sad and so tired. I said, “hey, it’s my new friend!” His head popped up, he smiled from ear to ear, and said, “well if I’m your friend you must be hurting for friends. You better get some new friends.” I stopped and smiled and said, “no Tom, you’re exactly the kind of friend I want.”

Gary and Jackie, the rad techs said that’s the first they’ve ever seen Tom smile. 😊

Our God is So Good and this life is not meant to simply be enjoyed or endured.

“Time is the dressing room of eternity. In the few fleeting days of life on this planet we are given the opportunity to prepare for eternity. ~ Billy Graham